The past two weeks have been full of work, hard work but the fun and adventuresome type. I moved in to a beautiful old house with a ton of character and so much potential... It has beautiful wooden detail work and wood floors throughout the whole house, romantic fireplaces and the cute type of windows that you always wish you could have in your house. And... can we just talk about the stinking kitchen! It is gloriously enormous! And it is all updated with new appliances, nicely tiled floors and granite countertops. My heart is to make this a community house for young women, a safe haven to know and be known as well as a home where we can propel each other into the deeper things of God.
When I moved in, this house was a WRECK! I mean, an absolute beautiful mess! For example, there is a really cute sunroom in the back side of the house, I plan on turning it into a little prayer and worship room but it was used as a storage room for a few years. In that little sunroom alone I pulled out 10 bags of trash! Not to mention all the random items that are still in the garage waiting to be claimed. Everyday I have picked a room to spend the day cleaning and organizing. I even cleaned out the flower beds and planted a small garden. Last week I finally hit that mark where I could take a deep breath and say.... "Now I can call this home!"
As I was cleaning this beautiful home, I saw it as a picture of how the Lord deals with us. He knits us together so tenderly, with so much creativity and joy in our mother's womb. As we learn and grow we allow the enemy to come through our choices, circumstances and culture and flub everything up with his trash and muck and dirt. The goal of the enemy is to steal, kill and destroy every ounce of promise and beauty possible. He does a good job, sometimes we have to dig really deep beyond the surface of our hearts to find an ounce of hope. But, if we open our hearts to the Lord and allow all of that muck and junk to be exposed to Him, He will come with more tenderness, with more joy and excitement than you can imagine and clean out those broken and dirty places. He knows the beauty He placed there, He sees beyond all the crap, all the pain, all the bitterness and sorrow. He is more than willing to restore those rooms of our hearts if only we are willing, if only we can come to that place where we surrender and acknowledge our need for Him to make the wrong things right.
Sometimes I look at my heart, see the darkness and want to give up... I absolutely despise my tendency to have a bad attitude when I don't get my way. Or worse yet, my ability to manipulate situations to get what I want, sometimes I just feel gross about the way I respond to people. My heart is SO DARK! What I love about the Lord though is that He sees beyond the darkness because He made me, He already knows the potential that He placed there Himself and He is committed to drawing it out. I am dark but He sees the lovely! Oh, what a privilege! To be seen as lovely by the Creator of the universe!!!
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn of many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified!
Romans 8:28-30
I am setting my eyes on the things above, and relying on His restoration power to bring me into fullness of LIFE in Him!
I am THANKFUL for His grace today!
Monday, June 18, 2012
Saturday, June 16, 2012
A really, really fun and encouraging dream...
A dear friend dreamt of me this week and it really blessed me, it goes as follows....
In my dream, it was your wedding day. The ceremony was taking place at my old church in Seattle - Christ Church Kirkland. I remember entering the foyer and seeing you standing there in your gown, getting ready to make your entrance. The gown was completely made of lace and had long sleeves (it actually reminded me of the dress my grandmother was married in in the 50's) and you had your hair down and a veil on. Then, you took a flask of oil and dumped it over your head! I thought it strange at first, but then I realized you were anointing yourself in preparation for your nuptials. You were flushed and seemed a bit nervous, but mostly excited.
Then I am sitting in the church watching you walk down the aisle. You walk down alone, smiling the whole way. I look at the other end and see your groom waiting for you - he is smiling as well. (Don't remember any clear details about the groom's physical appearance other than he had dark hair and maybe a beard) I also remember knowing that the groom's name was Steve.
As you continued to come down the aisle, nearing the front of the sanctuary, there was a sudden change in the atmosphere. Up until now, it had been a happy but fairly somber event. All of a sudden, coming up behind you was the craziest wedding procession I have ever seen! It was like a circus - trapeze artists, people juggling on unicycles, acrobats, dancers, clowns - everyone wearing brightly colored clothing and top hats (reminiscent of the Mad Hatter's tea party in Alice in Wonderland). After exchanging vows, you were escorted out by your crazy processional in an explosion of color and movement! I remember thinking that I'd never in my life seen a wedding quite like that.
So - as far as interpretation goes - here's what came to mind. I feel like this whole dream is really more of a picture of your relationship with the Lord and the journey you've been on with Him over the last few years. When you left for IHOP, it reminds me of you standing there in your wedding dress, anointing yourself with oil. You were already consecrated to the Lord, but you were wanting to go deeper with him. I feel like the time you've dedicated to seeking the Lord at IHOP is like you anointing yourself with oil, preparing to enter the "holy of holies."
Then came the actual wedding. Now, as you know, my dad and brother are both named Steve so I happen to know that the name Steve means "Crowned One" - essentially, it means a Prince. I feel that this was a dream about you becoming "married" to the Lord - entering into a whole new level of intimacy with him. As I was praying about it, the Lord spoke to me about the how something changes in a woman when she gets married - she becomes safe and secure in the arms of her husband; confident in who she is and how deeply she is loved; intimate in a way that she has never before experienced. Women are created to be protected and loved, so there is something about the safety of a committed married relationship that allows a woman to be completely free in who she is. All these things, I believe, is where you are headed with the Lord in this next season of life.
Then there was the circus entourage - so crazy! To me, that was just a clear picture of the wildness and unpredictability of our Lord. :) We all have a tendency to put Jesus in a box - to take his wonderfully uncomplicated love and nature and make it super serious and full of about a bazillion rules - to "church-ify" him. Even the fact that you started out the wedding very traditionally - modest old-school lace gown, walking down the aisle with quiet music playing softly - and then were suddenly interrupted by all the craziness! I felt like He was saying, "I'm not as serious as you think!" Yes, he is holy and mighty and amazing. But he is also fun and full of color and life! I feel like the word "unpredictable" is key - there may come a season (and soon), where He leads you in a direction you did not anticipate. But fear not! It will be more full of life and joy than you could ever imagine. I think He's going to blow your mind, actually. :)
All of this is reminiscent to me of the verse out of Isaiah 62 (which I've included below).
ISAIAH 62:2-5
The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah (My delight is in her);
and your land Beulah (Married);
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
5 As a young man marries a young woman,
so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.
In my dream, it was your wedding day. The ceremony was taking place at my old church in Seattle - Christ Church Kirkland. I remember entering the foyer and seeing you standing there in your gown, getting ready to make your entrance. The gown was completely made of lace and had long sleeves (it actually reminded me of the dress my grandmother was married in in the 50's) and you had your hair down and a veil on. Then, you took a flask of oil and dumped it over your head! I thought it strange at first, but then I realized you were anointing yourself in preparation for your nuptials. You were flushed and seemed a bit nervous, but mostly excited.
Then I am sitting in the church watching you walk down the aisle. You walk down alone, smiling the whole way. I look at the other end and see your groom waiting for you - he is smiling as well. (Don't remember any clear details about the groom's physical appearance other than he had dark hair and maybe a beard) I also remember knowing that the groom's name was Steve.
As you continued to come down the aisle, nearing the front of the sanctuary, there was a sudden change in the atmosphere. Up until now, it had been a happy but fairly somber event. All of a sudden, coming up behind you was the craziest wedding procession I have ever seen! It was like a circus - trapeze artists, people juggling on unicycles, acrobats, dancers, clowns - everyone wearing brightly colored clothing and top hats (reminiscent of the Mad Hatter's tea party in Alice in Wonderland). After exchanging vows, you were escorted out by your crazy processional in an explosion of color and movement! I remember thinking that I'd never in my life seen a wedding quite like that.
So - as far as interpretation goes - here's what came to mind. I feel like this whole dream is really more of a picture of your relationship with the Lord and the journey you've been on with Him over the last few years. When you left for IHOP, it reminds me of you standing there in your wedding dress, anointing yourself with oil. You were already consecrated to the Lord, but you were wanting to go deeper with him. I feel like the time you've dedicated to seeking the Lord at IHOP is like you anointing yourself with oil, preparing to enter the "holy of holies."
Then came the actual wedding. Now, as you know, my dad and brother are both named Steve so I happen to know that the name Steve means "Crowned One" - essentially, it means a Prince. I feel that this was a dream about you becoming "married" to the Lord - entering into a whole new level of intimacy with him. As I was praying about it, the Lord spoke to me about the how something changes in a woman when she gets married - she becomes safe and secure in the arms of her husband; confident in who she is and how deeply she is loved; intimate in a way that she has never before experienced. Women are created to be protected and loved, so there is something about the safety of a committed married relationship that allows a woman to be completely free in who she is. All these things, I believe, is where you are headed with the Lord in this next season of life.
Then there was the circus entourage - so crazy! To me, that was just a clear picture of the wildness and unpredictability of our Lord. :) We all have a tendency to put Jesus in a box - to take his wonderfully uncomplicated love and nature and make it super serious and full of about a bazillion rules - to "church-ify" him. Even the fact that you started out the wedding very traditionally - modest old-school lace gown, walking down the aisle with quiet music playing softly - and then were suddenly interrupted by all the craziness! I felt like He was saying, "I'm not as serious as you think!" Yes, he is holy and mighty and amazing. But he is also fun and full of color and life! I feel like the word "unpredictable" is key - there may come a season (and soon), where He leads you in a direction you did not anticipate. But fear not! It will be more full of life and joy than you could ever imagine. I think He's going to blow your mind, actually. :)
All of this is reminiscent to me of the verse out of Isaiah 62 (which I've included below).
ISAIAH 62:2-5
The nations will see your vindication,
and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name
that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
3 You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,
a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
4 No longer will they call you Deserted,
or name your land Desolate.
But you will be called Hephzibah (My delight is in her);
and your land Beulah (Married);
for the Lord will take delight in you,
and your land will be married.
5 As a young man marries a young woman,
so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
so will your God rejoice over you.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Abba, what do you see?
Abba, what did You see
In this lump of clay
That You wanted me and formed me this way?
What do You see in me Lord, that You don't despise me?
There is a dream in Your heart,
There is joy in Your eyes,
When on the Potters wheel
The right amount of pressure You give,
To bring forth a vessel of honor,
To show forth Your beauty,
To pour forth Your glory...
So I surrender to Your hand,
Let there be no resistance in me to Your plan,
Into Your hands I commit my spirit.
I won't despise in my life,
That which makes me lean upon You,
Your strength is perfected in my weakness...
So I say yes to Your ways!
I may be sincere, but I am not mature
Until I'm tested and found with patience...
Lord, I just want to be one that brings You glory!
My life is Yours not my own!
So Abbe, I accept Your plan in my life,
I trust You because as I stand on Your love
And on Your mercy, I won't be moved!
Keep me steady and going after Your heart!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Something I've been meditating on...
As I was reading in the book of Matthew the other day, I came across chapter 8 where the disciples were tossed about in the boat in the storm. The story goes as follows...
"Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!”" Matthew 8:24-27
The first time I read it, my heart came into agreement with Jesus as He corrected them for their weak faith. I thought, DON"T THEY KNOW THAT HE IS THE LORD OF THE UNIVERSE!?!?!? Didn't they just witness Him healing paralytics, blind men and raising people from the dead? How can they be shocked when He calmed a stinkin' storm!!! And then Holy Spirit struck a chord in my heart, do I really know that He is the Lord of the universe? How many times have I been utterly shocked when He breaks in to my life in miraculous ways? I can tell people until I am blue in the face about how Jesus is the miracle worker but as soon as He breaks through in my life, I am amazed! Wow, I am of little faith. Jesus, give me the gift of faith to believe wholeheartedly all that is unseen and inconceivable.
"Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!”" Matthew 8:24-27
The first time I read it, my heart came into agreement with Jesus as He corrected them for their weak faith. I thought, DON"T THEY KNOW THAT HE IS THE LORD OF THE UNIVERSE!?!?!? Didn't they just witness Him healing paralytics, blind men and raising people from the dead? How can they be shocked when He calmed a stinkin' storm!!! And then Holy Spirit struck a chord in my heart, do I really know that He is the Lord of the universe? How many times have I been utterly shocked when He breaks in to my life in miraculous ways? I can tell people until I am blue in the face about how Jesus is the miracle worker but as soon as He breaks through in my life, I am amazed! Wow, I am of little faith. Jesus, give me the gift of faith to believe wholeheartedly all that is unseen and inconceivable.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Jesus is such a great listener...
I was sitting here in the prayer room today asking the Lord for direction and confirmation that what He has been placing on my heart is really Him and not just me coming up with what I think are good ideas. If you know me well, you know that I have lots of great ideas but often lack the gumption to follow through with them. Well, I was sitting in the prayer room and this guy walked up to me with a prophetic word.
Here goes...
I felt like the Lord says that He created you to shepherd, I don't know if that means you are to be a pastor or not but I felt like He specifically is calling you to pour into other people and challenge them to grow, propelling them into their callings. I feel like the Lord is specifically highlighting Jeremiah 23:3-4.
“But I will gather the remnant of My flock out of all countries where I have driven them, and bring them back to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase. I will set up shepherds over them who will feed them; and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, nor shall they be lacking,” says the Lord.
I see you as an encourager where the Lord uses you to come alongside people and lead them to greater depths in Him. I don't know if you feel a witness in your spirit in that respect, He could be highlighting something for the future or...
HOW ABOUT THE LAST FEW MONTHS?!?! LOL!
Jesus is such a good friend, when I ask Him for confirmation about something, He gives it because He loves me. I am so blessed by His love! Thank you Lord!
Here goes...
I felt like the Lord says that He created you to shepherd, I don't know if that means you are to be a pastor or not but I felt like He specifically is calling you to pour into other people and challenge them to grow, propelling them into their callings. I feel like the Lord is specifically highlighting Jeremiah 23:3-4.
“But I will gather the remnant of My flock out of all countries where I have driven them, and bring them back to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase. I will set up shepherds over them who will feed them; and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, nor shall they be lacking,” says the Lord.
I see you as an encourager where the Lord uses you to come alongside people and lead them to greater depths in Him. I don't know if you feel a witness in your spirit in that respect, He could be highlighting something for the future or...
HOW ABOUT THE LAST FEW MONTHS?!?! LOL!
Jesus is such a good friend, when I ask Him for confirmation about something, He gives it because He loves me. I am so blessed by His love! Thank you Lord!
Community building....
I have come to realize over the past year and a half how beautiful and special Walla Walla is in the sense of Christian community building. Rightfully so, Eden Kietponglert and a few others have truly labored and pioneered community building in a magnificent way. I think that it is essential for us to have seasons of testing and solitude where the Lord takes us to the end of ourselves, exposing the darkness and co-dependence that we like to pretend isn’t there. But the Lord created us for fellowship, with Him first and secondly with fellow believers, not the other way around. I have been wandering through a God ordained season of solitude where I have labored for close relationship with people only to see the Lord draw them away to pursue their calling. It has been painfully lonely at times but Jesus has always been by my side as the ultimate friend and encourager. My biggest battle has been actually trusting him and looking to Him as a friend when I’m feeling that longing for deep relationship. I hate it, but it is a process and He has been teaching me so much about my heart and my unhealthy need for people to fill areas of my heart that are meant only for Him. Praise God! My closest IHOP friend and roommate is moving home for good this month and I am grieved at the knowledge that there will be such distance in our relationship, but the Lord in His faithfulness has stirred my heart to collaborate with some other young women to start a community house!
This semester we have been studying the book of Acts in class and Jesus has downloaded some vision about His heart for community. My heart is so weak and my pursuit of the Lord is lacking without being intentionally spurred on by others. I need to be discipled, held accountable and charged daily to pursue my calling! Here is a general layout of what the Lord has put on my heart (partially inspired by the Red Roof House, holla back ladies!)
The church in the Book of Acts was charged by Jesus as He ascended into His heavenly place to “be witnesses to Him in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth,” after they received the power of the Holy Spirit. We all have been commissioned by Jesus to preach the gospel with boldness in our own unique way and He has placed an echo into each of our hearts by His Spirit that draws us into our calling. In our community I want to the girls to partner with me and me with them in picking up those things the Lord has placed in us and running together, seeing the Lord’s glory manifest on earth in each unique calling. Sometimes doing what the Lord puts on my heart is scary and potentially embarrassing, but I need that push from people who I know care about my heart and care deeply about my calling enough to propel me into it.
The early church pursued the place of prayer daily, intentionally and in one accord! A prayer meeting began shortly after Jesus’ ascension (Acts 1:13-14) and ended after seven days with a history making Spiritual outpouring! I want to have prayer meetings that bring people together in unity and end with the Lord pouring out His Spirit in powerful ways. They also had specified times of prayer (Acts 3:1) which I believe needs to be emulated in our own community. I just want to take a minute to honor the intercessors at Life Church in Walla Walla for their faithfulness in the place of prayer, they have inspired me and encouraged me to pursue a life of prayer. I want to be challenged to grow in intercession and asked how I am spending my times in prayer and be held accountable by the girls in my house.
In tandem with receiving the power of the Holy Spirit, the church in Acts performed signs and wonders everywhere they went (Acts 2:43, 3:2-10,5:16) ! The salvation and the faith of many was due to the witness of the Spirit in the lives of the Apostles. We will not see signs and wonders manifest in our lives if we aren’t actually praying for people to be healed. I want to be challenged daily to step out of my comfort zone and actually pray for people to be healed, and see people set free in body, mind and soul! Jesus longs to partner with us in this way and reveal His glory to the unsaved, but oftentimes we are unfaithful in the anointing that He has already given us. I want to partner with these girls to see heaven invade earth!
Another pattern I see repeated often among the disciples is the daily breaking of bread (Acts 2:42-47). In my own life, I see this translated as not only enjoying fellowship, and meals together but also pursuing a pure heart in repentance and communion with one another. A few years ago I was reading about the slavery abolitionists who the Lord used in powerful ways to free the slaves in the United States. One aspect of their community lifestyle that has always stuck with me was that they humbled themselves in repentance DAILY! The Lord worked signs and wonders through them because they were empty vessels. This is exactly what I want to emulate as I live in community.
Also, the early church gave themselves to the Apostles teaching(Acts 2:42). We are so blessed to have not only the written word that we can dive into, but we also have full access to Godly wisdom that has been passed down from generation to generation. A practical way that I feel like the Lord wants to see this implemented in community is through personal study of the word, receiving personal revelation through the Holy Spirit and taking turns during our fellowship times sharing what the Lord is showing us in His word. This will require me to continuously go deeper in the word and having community to spur me on and challenge me to grow is the accountability I need for my personal life in God.
The early Apostles were persecuted time and time again (Acts 12, 14:19) and although we may not be persecuted exactly as they were, we all go through trials, struggles and hardships. While living in community, we can constantly encourage one another to look to the Lord in these moments because He is truly where our help comes from. I want to be partnered with in finding rest in the place of worship amidst my most fiery trials!
This is my rough draft, preliminary brainstorming outline of what I feel the Lord is leading me into. I will keep you posted about how He is leading us in walking it out!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Current things on my mind...
I graduate in 25 days with 2 years of Theological Studies at IHOPU! This season has gone by so fast, I feel as if I have barely blinked and now it is nearly gone! It is so funny how life is! I feel like Isaiah says it so appropriately, “All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field, the grass withers, the flower fades, because the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass” Isaiah 40:6-7. Life itself is so short and so fleeting and so temporary in the eyes of the Lord, yet He is the one that plants, He is the one that waters and He is the one that grows us to be the fragrance, the beauty and the richness of the earth in our assigned season. I am blown away by the magnitude and the sovereignty of the Lord! One of my teachers noted in class this week and it has stuck with me ever since, “Did you know that the Lord feeds you?” He provides the rain that grows the food that we enjoy everyday, He gives, He takes away, He upholds, the solitary reason that we live and we breathe is that He wills it.
As I look onward to the next chapter in my life I am thankful, His grace has been sufficient, I haven’t gone with my needs unmet, He has protected me, provided for me, sowed into my heart in so many rich ways and I can’t help but dwell on the fact that I am so undeserving of it all and so grateful for His tenderness. He loves me and that is the sole motivation of His heart, my actions and my pursuits are entirely irrelevant to His plan for me. He is so, so good!
I really appreciate all of your prayer and encouragement! I feel peace to move forward into visiting Casa Bernabe in Guatemala City this fall to see if the Lord moves my heart to stay there long term. I received word this week that there is a woman building a house of prayer nearby and she needs people who will partner with the Lord’s vision of establishing night and day prayer for Guatemala. That is a potential connection for me as well so I am very excited about the possibility of serving the Lord there. At the same time, I want to be where the Lord wants me to be so if none of these doors that I am knocking on fully open then I am excited for the even better door that He will open wide for me in His timing.
In the meantime, I am moving in with some amazing girls in June to start a discipleship community house inspired by my years in the Red Roof House. I am looking forward to living in community again for a season as I await clear direction from the Lord.
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