Happenings and things...

I have been running nonstop since January, but a good running it has been. :) Midway through January I realized that I have become far too immersed in introspection, although it is a natural byproduct of studying the bible all day, everyday, it is quiet tormenting to the heart and soul. The best way I've learned to keep from focusing on ME is to start thinking about someone else. I started serving the poor and the lost at IHOP-KC's inner city ministry called "Hope City" at the end of January as a portion of my practicum and when we moved on in the rotation, I continued to serve. When I hang out in the slums of the inner city with the people who live on the streets and in the poorest neighborhoods, the drug dealers and those that give them job security, my heart comes alive! I have helped in the kitchen and subbed as a singer on a worship team and helped with both of the kids programs. Every week my heart breaks for those kids who have experienced more pain and hardship in their young age than I have in my 25 years of life. I want them to experience the freedom of Christ in their own hearts and see them believe in faith for their families to be set free from addiction and demonic influence. I have decided to focus on helping with the children's ministry at Hope City because I know that long term the Lord has given me vision to minister to youth at risk.

In the next couple of months I will be completing two years of bible school here at IHOPU. When I moved here, my goal was to finish two years of school and I was sure that by then the Lord would have all the doors wide open  (insert angelic crescendo here) with glowing arrows pointing me in the way He wants me to go. But, He has not. I do have peace remaining here in Kansas City, but then there is a part of me that is so excited about the next stage of my journey.

I have come to realize that when the Lord releases me from here I can literally go anywhere. Anywhere in the world! I get so caught up in fear of making the wrong move or missing my calling or not being ready that I forget that the Lord puts the desires of His heart on my heart, it is not just me, those pangs of desire are an invitation for me to partner with His heart. All of my life I have pictured myself in a particular stage of life and at a specific state of heart before I would be sent to make disciples. But, I have been sifting through those presuppositions, asking the Lord what His standards and prerequisites are. I didn't realize that I had placed on myself this restriction of only being able to follow  my husband into ministry. I don't know if it is fear related or if it harkens back to my tendency to disqualify myself, probably both, but the Lord is blowing up all of my expectations. For the first time in my life, I don't care about going by myself and I never thought I would feel this way, ever. My heart is crying out "here I am, send me" and I don't have the echo in my mind that says "after I am married." At the moment I am even content to be single for life. Praise the Lord! I want Him to remove every one of my self imposed parameters.

The Lord has blessed me by my job so much, it is ridiculous! We were nominated again for a James Beard award and made the top 100 list for best service nationwide. A couple of the servers moved away and I have worked my way up in senority which makes better shifts available to me. The Lord is so good! He also has been opening up doors for me to build relationship with a couple of my co-workers. I am believing for their salvation and an outpouring of His Spirit on Bluestem!

Click here to watch a video of Bluestem!