Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Abba, what do you see?

Abba, what did You see
In this lump of clay
That You wanted me and formed me this way?
What do You see in me Lord, that You don't despise me?
There is a dream in Your heart,
There is joy in Your eyes,
When on the Potters wheel
The right amount of pressure You give,
To bring forth a vessel of honor,
To show forth Your beauty,
To pour forth Your glory...

So I surrender to Your hand,
Let there be no resistance in me to Your plan,
Into Your hands I commit my spirit.

I won't despise in my life,
That which makes me lean upon You,
Your strength is perfected in my weakness...
So I say yes to Your ways!

I may be sincere, but I am not mature
Until I'm tested and found with patience...

Lord, I just want to be one that brings You glory!
My life is Yours not my own!

So Abbe, I accept Your plan in my life,
I trust You because as I stand on Your love
And on Your mercy, I won't be moved!

Keep me steady and going after Your heart!

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Something I've been meditating on...

As I was reading in the book of Matthew the other day, I came across chapter 8 where the disciples were tossed about in the boat in the storm. The story goes as follows...

"Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!”" Matthew 8:24-27

The first time I read it, my heart came into agreement with Jesus as He corrected them for their weak faith. I thought, DON"T THEY KNOW THAT HE IS THE LORD OF THE UNIVERSE!?!?!? Didn't they just witness Him healing paralytics, blind men and raising people from the dead? How can they be shocked when He calmed a stinkin' storm!!! And then Holy Spirit struck a chord in my heart, do I really know that He is the Lord of the universe? How many times have I been utterly shocked when He breaks in to my life in miraculous ways? I can tell people until I am blue in the face about how Jesus is the miracle worker but as soon as He breaks through in my life, I am amazed! Wow, I am of little faith. Jesus, give me the gift of faith to believe wholeheartedly all that is unseen and inconceivable.

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Jesus is such a great listener...

I was sitting here in the prayer room today asking the Lord for direction and confirmation that what He has been placing on my heart is really Him and not just me coming up with what I think are good ideas. If you know me well, you know that I have lots of great ideas but often lack the gumption to follow through with them. Well, I was sitting in the prayer room and this guy walked up to me with a prophetic word.
Here goes...

I felt like the Lord says that He created you to shepherd, I don't know if that means you are to be a pastor or not but I felt like He specifically is calling you to pour into other people and challenge them to grow, propelling them into their callings. I feel like the Lord is specifically highlighting Jeremiah 23:3-4.

 “But I will gather the remnant of My flock out of all countries where I have driven them, and bring them back to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase. I will set up shepherds over them who will feed them; and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, nor shall they be lacking,” says the Lord.

I see you as an encourager where the Lord uses you to come alongside people and lead them to greater depths in Him. I don't know if you feel a witness in your spirit in that respect, He could be highlighting something for the future or...

HOW ABOUT THE LAST FEW MONTHS?!?! LOL!
Jesus is such a good friend, when I ask Him for confirmation about something, He gives it because He loves me. I am so blessed by His love! Thank you Lord!

Community building....


I have come to realize over the past year and a half how beautiful and special Walla Walla is in the sense of Christian community building. Rightfully so, Eden Kietponglert and a few others have truly labored and pioneered community building in a magnificent way. I think that it is essential for us to have seasons of testing and solitude where the Lord takes us to the end of ourselves, exposing the darkness and co-dependence that we like to pretend isn’t there. But the Lord created us for fellowship, with Him first and secondly with fellow believers, not the other way around. I have been wandering through a God ordained season of solitude where I have labored for close relationship with people only to see the Lord draw them away to pursue their calling. It has been painfully lonely at times but Jesus has always been by my side as the ultimate friend and encourager. My biggest battle has been actually trusting him and looking to Him as a friend when I’m feeling that longing for deep relationship. I hate it, but it is a process and He has been teaching me so much about my heart and my unhealthy need for people to fill areas of my heart that are meant only for Him. Praise God! My closest IHOP friend and roommate is moving home for good this month and I am grieved at the knowledge that there will be such distance in our relationship, but the Lord in His faithfulness has stirred my heart to collaborate with some other young women to start a community house!
This semester we have been studying the book of Acts in class and Jesus has downloaded some vision about His heart for community. My heart is so weak and my pursuit of the Lord is lacking without being intentionally spurred on by others. I need to be discipled, held accountable and charged daily to pursue my calling! Here is a general layout of what the Lord has put on my heart (partially inspired by the Red Roof House, holla back ladies!) 
The church in the Book of Acts was charged by Jesus as He ascended into His heavenly place to “be witnesses to Him in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth,” after they received the power of the Holy Spirit. We all have been commissioned by Jesus to preach the gospel with boldness in our own unique way and He has placed an echo into each of our hearts by His Spirit that draws us into our calling. In our community I want to the girls to partner with me and me with them in picking up those things the Lord has placed in us and running together, seeing the Lord’s glory manifest on earth in each unique calling. Sometimes doing what the Lord puts on my heart is scary and potentially embarrassing, but I need that push from people who I know care about my heart and care deeply about my calling enough to propel me into it. 
The early church pursued the place of prayer daily, intentionally and in one accord! A prayer meeting began shortly after Jesus’ ascension (Acts 1:13-14) and ended after seven days with a history making Spiritual outpouring! I want to have prayer meetings that bring people together in unity and end with the Lord pouring out His Spirit in powerful ways. They also had specified times of prayer (Acts 3:1) which I believe needs to be emulated in our own community. I just want to take a minute to honor the intercessors at Life Church in Walla Walla for their faithfulness in the place of prayer, they have inspired me and encouraged me to pursue a life of prayer. I want to be challenged to grow in intercession and asked how I am spending my times in prayer and be held accountable by the girls in my house.
In tandem with receiving the power of the Holy Spirit, the church in Acts performed signs and wonders everywhere they went (Acts 2:43, 3:2-10,5:16) ! The salvation and the faith of many was due to the witness of the Spirit in the lives of the Apostles. We will not see signs and wonders manifest in our lives if we aren’t actually praying for people to be healed. I want to be challenged daily to step out of my comfort zone and actually pray for people to be healed, and see people set free in body, mind and soul! Jesus longs to partner with us in this way and reveal His glory to the unsaved, but oftentimes we are unfaithful in the anointing that He has already given us. I want to partner with these girls to see heaven invade earth!
Another pattern I see repeated often among the disciples is the daily breaking of bread (Acts 2:42-47). In my own life, I see this translated as not only enjoying fellowship, and meals together but also pursuing a pure heart in repentance and communion with one another. A few years ago I was reading about the slavery abolitionists who the Lord used in powerful ways to free the slaves in the United States. One aspect of their community lifestyle that has always stuck with me was that they humbled themselves in repentance DAILY! The Lord worked signs and wonders through them because they were empty vessels. This is exactly what I want to emulate as I live in community.
Also, the early church gave themselves to the Apostles teaching(Acts 2:42). We are so blessed to have not only the written word that we can dive into, but we also have full access to Godly wisdom that has been passed down from generation to generation. A practical way that I feel like the Lord wants to see this implemented in community is through personal study of the word, receiving personal revelation through the Holy Spirit and taking turns during our fellowship times sharing what the Lord is showing us in His word. This will require me to continuously go deeper in the word and having community to spur me on and challenge me to grow is the accountability I need for my personal life in God.
The early Apostles were persecuted time and time again (Acts 12, 14:19) and although we may not be persecuted exactly as they were, we all go through trials, struggles and hardships. While living in community, we can constantly encourage one another to look to the Lord in these moments because He is truly where our help comes from. I want to be partnered with in finding rest in the place of worship amidst my most fiery trials!
This is my rough draft, preliminary brainstorming outline of what I feel the Lord is leading me into. I will keep you posted about how He is leading us in walking it out!

Monday, April 23, 2012

Current things on my mind...


I graduate in 25 days with 2 years of Theological Studies at IHOPU! This season has gone by so fast, I feel as if I have barely blinked and now it is nearly gone! It is so funny how life is! I feel like Isaiah says it so appropriately, “All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field, the grass withers, the flower fades, because the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass” Isaiah 40:6-7. Life itself is so short and so fleeting and so temporary in the eyes of the Lord, yet He is the one that plants, He is the one that waters and He is the one that grows us to be the fragrance, the beauty and the richness of the earth in our assigned season. I am blown away by the magnitude and the sovereignty of the Lord! One of my teachers noted in class this week and it has stuck with me ever since, “Did you know that the Lord feeds you?” He provides the rain that grows the food that we enjoy everyday, He gives, He takes away, He upholds, the solitary reason that we live and we breathe is that He wills it. 
As I look onward to the next chapter in my life I am thankful, His grace has been sufficient, I haven’t gone with my needs unmet, He has protected me, provided for me, sowed into my heart in so many rich ways and I can’t help but dwell on the fact that I am  so undeserving of it all and so grateful for His tenderness. He loves me and that is the sole motivation of His heart, my actions and my pursuits are entirely irrelevant to His plan for me. He is so, so good! 
I really appreciate all of your prayer and encouragement! I feel peace to move forward into visiting Casa Bernabe in Guatemala City this fall to see if the Lord moves my heart to stay there long term. I received word this week that there is a woman building a house of prayer nearby and she needs people who will partner with the Lord’s vision of establishing night and day prayer for Guatemala. That is a potential connection for me as well so I am very excited about the possibility of serving the Lord there. At the same time, I want to be where the Lord wants me to be so if none of these doors that I am knocking on fully open then I am excited for the even better door that He will open wide for me in His timing.

In the meantime, I am moving in with some amazing girls in June to start a discipleship community house inspired by my years in the Red Roof House. I am looking forward to living in community again for a season as I await clear direction from the Lord.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Homework and such...

Spring break was rough. With all of my Kansas City friends off on adventures, I was here, working, reading, enjoying some extra sleep. By the end of the week I got super lonely though, not because I spent the week by myself, I actually enjoyed that aspect. I came to the realization that in a few short months these people that I have run with for the past year and a half will scurry off in pursuit of their future calling and I will be left to start at ground zero in building community, again. It is a bit overwhelming to think about. But, I trust the Lord to meet every single one of my needs. He promises in Psalm 68 that He sets the solitary in families, I am definitely leaning on that promise right now.

I thought I would make you all a little bit jealous  about the homework I have in one of my classes... This week our homework list is as follows:

-Read Pages 1-41 of "Foolishness to the Greeks" by Lesslie Newbigin


-Read Chapters 1&2 of "The Ministry of Intercessory Prayer" by Andrew Murray


-Complete days 1-5 of the School of Intercession in the back of Murray's book


-Read out loud, Isaiah 6:1-8, Revelation 4, Revelation 21-22:
-Tues
-Wed
-Thurs
-Mon


-Spend an hour reviewing each set of notes:
-Tues
-Thurs


-Sing the Psalms for 30 Minutes:
-Tues
-Wed
-Thurs
-Mon

Where else do I get to do homework like that? I am blessed! :)

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Happenings and things...

I have been running nonstop since January, but a good running it has been. :) Midway through January I realized that I have become far too immersed in introspection, although it is a natural byproduct of studying the bible all day, everyday, it is quiet tormenting to the heart and soul. The best way I've learned to keep from focusing on ME is to start thinking about someone else. I started serving the poor and the lost at IHOP-KC's inner city ministry called "Hope City" at the end of January as a portion of my practicum and when we moved on in the rotation, I continued to serve. When I hang out in the slums of the inner city with the people who live on the streets and in the poorest neighborhoods, the drug dealers and those that give them job security, my heart comes alive! I have helped in the kitchen and subbed as a singer on a worship team and helped with both of the kids programs. Every week my heart breaks for those kids who have experienced more pain and hardship in their young age than I have in my 25 years of life. I want them to experience the freedom of Christ in their own hearts and see them believe in faith for their families to be set free from addiction and demonic influence. I have decided to focus on helping with the children's ministry at Hope City because I know that long term the Lord has given me vision to minister to youth at risk.

In the next couple of months I will be completing two years of bible school here at IHOPU. When I moved here, my goal was to finish two years of school and I was sure that by then the Lord would have all the doors wide open  (insert angelic crescendo here) with glowing arrows pointing me in the way He wants me to go. But, He has not. I do have peace remaining here in Kansas City, but then there is a part of me that is so excited about the next stage of my journey.

I have come to realize that when the Lord releases me from here I can literally go anywhere. Anywhere in the world! I get so caught up in fear of making the wrong move or missing my calling or not being ready that I forget that the Lord puts the desires of His heart on my heart, it is not just me, those pangs of desire are an invitation for me to partner with His heart. All of my life I have pictured myself in a particular stage of life and at a specific state of heart before I would be sent to make disciples. But, I have been sifting through those presuppositions, asking the Lord what His standards and prerequisites are. I didn't realize that I had placed on myself this restriction of only being able to follow  my husband into ministry. I don't know if it is fear related or if it harkens back to my tendency to disqualify myself, probably both, but the Lord is blowing up all of my expectations. For the first time in my life, I don't care about going by myself and I never thought I would feel this way, ever. My heart is crying out "here I am, send me" and I don't have the echo in my mind that says "after I am married." At the moment I am even content to be single for life. Praise the Lord! I want Him to remove every one of my self imposed parameters.

The Lord has blessed me by my job so much, it is ridiculous! We were nominated again for a James Beard award and made the top 100 list for best service nationwide. A couple of the servers moved away and I have worked my way up in senority which makes better shifts available to me. The Lord is so good! He also has been opening up doors for me to build relationship with a couple of my co-workers. I am believing for their salvation and an outpouring of His Spirit on Bluestem!

Click here to watch a video of Bluestem!