Well, I am officially a junior in the Forerunner School of Ministry. This week has been a crazy journey of good and terrible at the same time. I am really looking forward to my classes, my times in the word and in the prayer room but at the same time, completely overwhelmed by the course load coupled with full time work. Lord, give me grace!
I was in my practicum introduction yesterday and our leaders of the House of Prayer Leadership track were casting their vision for our training. We will basically be immersed in planting a student house of prayer and leading Encounter God services once a week throughout the semester. Grouped into teams of people, we will be assigned roles according to our gifts and starting a house of prayer. This is exactly what I came here for, to grow and be stretched in ministering to people, learning how to build praying communities from the ground up among the nations. After spending 2 years on the sidelines it has become really easy just to go with the flow, unnoticed. Comfortable, rather. The idea of being seen or being vulnerable in such a way is utterly terrifying to me! I was sitting in class yesterday, excited about the opportunity to grow and at the same time experiencing so much fear and anxiety that I felt like throwing up. I wanted to drop out immediately!
When I got home, I decided to lay out a fleece before the Lord. I asked Him that if He wanted me to be in school, as scary as it is, to allow me to sleep peacefully through the night, I haven’t slept through the night in 2 weeks. I have been operating on 2-3 hours of sleep per night because of the anxious feelings I’ve been experiencing. I woke up this morning peacefully after one of the hardest sleeps I’ve had in my life, I didn’t wake up once. I guess you can say that the Lord wants me to be in school. :) This semester will be extremely challenging and stretching for me, I feel like my confidence level is at a 0 right now. What better of an opportunity to see the Lord’s strength and glory manifested though, right? I am weak but He is strong and more than able to take my insecurity and failure and make it beautiful and good.
Thankful.