Life....or something like it.

Sometimes life twists in ways that are surprising. I hate that feeling of aimlessness, where what you are pursuing in life seems mediocre at best and you find yourself being exactly that person you said you would never be. I've never been good at mediocrity or boredom and I will kick and scream all day about aimlessness. But here I am, summer came, almost went and I did a lot of quiet time and cooking and cleaning and homemaking and... that's it. With all that, I was mostly lonely. It is so difficult to make time and spend time with people when everyone is pursuing purpose and meaning at 369 miles an hour. So instead of meeting with people and friends, I met with the Lord for hours everyday.

I've been asked, "What was the Lord speaking to you about? How awesome was that?!?!"

I wouldn't exactly say that He gave me intense prophetic revelation or encountered me with the fullness of His glory in person but I just spent the summer enjoying Him, savoring friendship and doing life with Him. It was so peaceful and surprising. As you may have discovered, I am an extremist. I never do anything halfway, I jump full force into life oftentimes without thinking about where I am to jump. So the discovery that the Lord sometimes just wants to take a break from intensity to just rest and be, was a mind blowing concept for me. Pursuing greatness and revival and seeing heaven invade earth brings joy to His heart and just as much, He is delighted by my abiding time.

After being at home with all things familiar and fun, coming back to little old Grandview, MO was a bit overwhelming. It was so nice to be home where I know and am known, where relationships are long and meaningful and where I'm surrounded by people who know what makes me tick. I came back to this sea of people in a mega ministry where thousands of people seek a charismatic Christian mecca and race to be the one who pursues the Lord with the most passion(this is my personal estimation anyways). I got swallowed up to say the least. I know I don't need friendships to sustain my heart but the Lord is teaching me(much slower than I'd like I might add) to truly be filled by His friendship to the point where all other relationships are bonus blessings. He is the true source, He is the only One who can fill that void of relationship in a healthy, non-codependent way. I am growing through this, by the grace of God.