Life as it were... and will be!

Three years ago I was living my dreams. I was walking in the fullness of the Spirit, with Kingdom vision, eager to advance the Kingdom of God in every nation. I was fully partnered with my church and it’s leadership, holding positions of influence and leadership in my church and in my community. I was full of life, had huge vision for my future, I was submitted to authority, growing in the Lord, blessed by deep friendships and looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the man of my dreams.

I came to a point where my focus shifted from pursuing the Lord’s will to seeking the will of my leaders, I transferred the authority of my heart from the Lord to a man and put all of my hope in my relationship with him. At one point I even told the Lord that He can take anything in my life away from me, but He can’t take my relationship away.

But, my God is a jealous God.

Our relationship suddenly ended along with my hopes and dreams for our future, my close covenant friendship with his sister, my pastor, broke. All of my friendships were connected to him, he also served in my church, my heart hit the road of slow, agonizing death. Everything that brought life was gone, suddenly.

In the months that followed, loneliness gripped me with physically painful intensity and I stopped living because I couldn’t bear the grief of the cataclysmic losses. I closed my heart to everyone and everything, including the Lord. I cried out to the Lord for comfort and felt nothing but hopelessness yawning back at me. I asked the Lord why, what is the meaning of all this? He responded with, “I’m rebuilding the cracks in your foundation.” That was anything but comforting, I didn’t feel like that was a sufficient answer. My pain was larger than life, in my own mind I felt like I would never live, never hope again. I knew the truth found in the word that the Father would never leave me or forsake me, even heard it echoing in my heart on a daily basis but I had never felt so abandoned or alone in my life, I had no faith to believe in the Lord’s good and perfect will.

Looking back, I see the Lord’s jealousy for my affection, He has given me a promise from Isaiah 54 that He will restore what’s been lost with beautiful and great things. But I still wonder, when will my heart live again? When will I feel His pleasure and His glory again? When will my vision be restored?

In Isaiah 54:6-8 He promised,”For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid my face from you for a moment; but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,” says the Lord, Your redeemer. I can’t help but question, when will the Lord bring justice, when will He break in and redeem the time in His everlasting kindness?

For now, I place my hope in the Lord to restore the years the locust has eaten. I trust that His plan and purpose for this season, as agonizing as it has been, will be beautiful and good. I am still standing on my life verse that I have put a bit of my own translation into....

He will turn my mourning into wild dances of freedom, He will clothe me in gladness for every moment of despair. All trials are for His glory, that I may herald His goodness about the earth and praise Him with great joy for eternity.
Psalm 30:11-12 in my own words.

In the meantime, I have found such peace and an occasional amuse bouche of joy in the waiting...

Zoo...

My European friends and I braved the freezing weather and enjoyed a nice trip to the Kansas City zoo on Saturday! We got to see the lions up close and personal and the king of the pride even started roaring for us. It was majestic!

Here is a picture of me with one of the cats....

Also, we had lots of fun watching Nikita the polar bear dive for toys in the pool! Here are my friends Benjamin (a missionary kid who grew up in Germany) and Stefan (from the Netherlands) and I,enjoying Nikita's antics.

This was my fourth visit to the Kansas City zoo! I love visiting the animals there, it is a beautiful park-like place and they opened it up to the public for free for the last couple of months so I have been taking advantage of it!

Daughters of Jerusalem

Here we are! My amazing powderpuff football team! We won our final game which put us #5 in the tournament standings... We had so much fun playing together and praying together throughout the season! Our four coaches were wonderful, they were so patient with us as they taught us how to play from ground zero (well, I started at ground zero anyways). I must say, I've never been told I am awesome so many times when I know I am really not doing all that great. Our team was so positive which made playing together so much fun! I almost intercepted a pass tonight which would've been so bomb (and maybe a bit much for my pride) but I fumbled it... Oh well, next time!

Walla Walla, Walla Walla, Walla Walla, Walla Walla...

This week I got a ticket to come home for 10 days at the end of December! Hooray!!! I will be flying out of Kansas City at 4am on Christmas morning to make it to my Daddy's house for Christmas dinner! Unfortunately my sisters will be without my expert help in the kitchen this year, but I am so blessed to spend the holiday with my family!

I'm planning on spending New Years weekend in Walla Walla! I am looking forward to attending Life Church and connecting with my spiritual family!

Please keep me in prayer, I am currently seeking the Lord about whether or not to remain in Kansas City for another year or two, or pursue some other options that are on my heart. My burden for prayer is heavily for the body of Christ in the northwest. I am contending for awakening, revival as well as strength and wisdom for pastors and leaders. The Lord may be opening some doors in this vein. I am praying about His perfect timing in this. :)

I love you all and I am so blessed by your prayer, support and encouragement!

Jesus, I want to love Him well...

In my Forerunner School of Ministry practicum we are studying the sermon on the mount in Matthew 5-7 which is in essence, Jesus' character. More and more I am overwhelmed by His life, how can someone combat the human flesh in such a perfect way? In the end of chapter 5 Jesus says,"Therefore, you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." He is basically saying that in keeping ALL of these things, you, your fleshly created being will be perfect as the Father of glory! WHOA!

New goal in life for me, to be perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect. What exactly does that look like? I can imagine it would manifest as ultimate humility, sincere meekness, hunger for righteousness and purity, wholehearted mercy, a pure heart and mind amidst persecution and slander and a lifelong zeal to see the kingdom of heaven invade earth.

Unattainable? In my own flesh. But, with a Holy Helper it is something to be grasped.

I think for me this pursuit needs to begin with a new perspective. In Matthew 7:1-2, Christ talks about judgement, the judgement we give will be the judgement we receive. I believe that even more than the judgement we receive from others, the greatest impact comes from the judgement we place on ourselves. When I judge my brothers and sisters in Christ, I often end up placing that same burden of judgement on myself creating wrong thoughts and beliefs about the heart of the Lord. This sends me into a spiral of self-condemnation, shame and ultimately lack of spiritual growth.

One of the areas I commonly judge is the realm of platform ministry. I have always placed such value and expectation on the stage, to the point of making it my ultimate goal. There is something about the platform that makes me think that only the best and the brightest make it to that point and in my weakness and immaturity I have pursued it as the ultimate level of being approved by the Lord. Could it be possible that the best and the brightest hold positions in the marketplace, as stay at home mom's and Jesus loving housewives as well as full time ministry?

This makes me consider my calling. I have always had a desire to impact the kingdom of God in the greatest way possible, in my mind I have always viewed that as leading hundreds of thousands of people in revival and serving the nations as the next Amy Carmichael. I believe the desires in my heart are God given and my true calling... What has the Lord placed as desires in my heart? Number one... to love well. I want to love Jesus with every ounce of my soul, mind, heart and body, with every cell of my being. Secondly... to love every single person He has blessed my life with. That doesn't mean just a little, "Hi, I'm Korynne, I love you." I want my heart to burn with the Lord's burden for people, I want to carry His heart for the guy that changes the oil on my car at Meineke and the girl waiting at the bus stop by my house when I leave for the prayer room at 6am. I want the fire of love that compels me to pray unceasingly for the lost in my generation. However that manifests in the flesh, it really doesn't matter, I could reach one or one million, my small-in-the-eyes-of-man-love will completely ravish His heart.

Father, instead of taking the post of judge in this life, reveal Your heart to me and help me to take the place of love and mercy, burning with zeal to see Your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. I ask Father for kingdom vision, for grace to pursue radical obedience, for faithfulness in love and for help in becoming the likeness of You. Jesus, take this weak lover of You and wash me, help me to love You well.

How I love You, how I love You, how I love You, how I love You, Jesus.

Powderpuff!

The two teams.... Daughters of Jerusalem (Pink) and the Royal Diadem's (purple), praying together...

Hike!!!

Kristi, Amanda and I!

Noelle, my friend from Spokane watching from the sidelines...

Our offense!

My roommate Andrea from New Orleans, myself and Noelle after the game!

I had so much fun!

Sisters...

Well... I've been contending for my little sister for about 6 years now to come to know the Lord with her life. We were best friends until I was 19, we did everything together. Due to family circumstances we have been disconnected since and it was a dream come true for her to come and share my life here in Kansas City. I had envisioned her getting captivated by the heart of Father God and I was prepared to disciple her into the Kingdom of God. She arrived during our Friday night Encounter God service just in time for the message. She was quiet and didn't seem to have any response to the service (which I expected because it was pretty mellow.)
I showed her around the city a bit before work on Saturday and we just had some hang out time.
I went to work Saturday night and I noticed I wasn't on the schedule past the following weekend, I talked to my boss and he said unless I was willing to quit school and commit more time at work, he would have to replace me. I completely understood and felt peace about it and went home.
I went to work early the next morning and left my sister sleeping in bed and after work she wasn't home. I went to football practice and finally got a hold of her on the way, she said she was on the internet at Starbucks and would see me later. After practice she called and said she needed to talk so we went out together to a quiet place and she said she was leaving, she couldn't stay here. She said that I live in a wicked, evil place and that my church is a cult. She spent 6 hours researching IHOP-KC as a cult on the internet and got a headful of information from the father of lies. Long story short, I asked her to give me some reasons for her belief that we could measure it with the word and she said that her feelings were enough. She said she sees demons all over me, all over my school and all over my house and she can't stay and neither should I.
We met again the next morning to try to iron things out, but I guess it's just not the Lord's timing for her. I'm trusting that what seems like a giant leap backwards in the area of her salvation is all part of the Lord's greater plan of redemption and restoration for my family.
My little sister is heading back to Washington state to re-unite with my mom.
My heart is disappointed, but at peace, I feel covered in prayer and bathed in the tender mercy and grace of the Lord.
Thank you for standing with me for my unsaved family! The Lord WILL prevail in His perfect timing!