Dreamer that I am...

As many of you know, I have lots of dreams in the night! Most of them are super intense. Lately I have dreamed 3 times that my childhood cat who I was really attached to died (I had her from age 7 until she disappeared when I was 18). The interesting thing was that every time she died in my dream, the events were different, the surroundings were different, but each time she fell down a hole into an abyss. So weird!

Last night I dreamt that I was preparing for a battle... Now, I don't know if it's just that I recently watched the Lord of the Rings trilogy and people say I remind them of Eowyn or what, but it was really interesting nonetheless.

I dreamed I was part of a people that was going to war against an evil army. Someone said that it was to be "The War of the Birds" (Revelation 19:17-18 ??) and we all nodded in understanding. We were making preparation for battle and we didn't have enough men to fight the enormous army that we were preparing to meet so the women had to fight too. I had to carefully conceal my identity as a woman because if the opposing army found out that women were fighting, we would lose. There was this place in between the shoulder blades on a woman's back that the enemy wanted to stab, I don't know what the point was, but that was their goal in winning the war.

I wasn't afraid or nervous as I prepared for the battle aside from being very adamant that the women concealed their identity. My dream ended when I realized it was 11am and we needed to head off to battle, we were to meet the opposing army at noon. So we left to battle on horseback, I was troubled about the men being distracted in battle out of concern for the women they loved.

Just this morning I was reading in 2 Timothy and I came across these verses in Chapter 2,

You therefore must endure hardship as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No one engaged in warfare entangles himself with the affairs of this life, that he may please Him who enlisted him as a soldier.
2 Timothy 2:3-4

I want to be one who seeks the Lord's cause and advances His kingdom in the greatest way possible according to my calling without distraction, without restraint.

One more picture of the zoo...

I promise, I took this myself!

Isn't he glorious?!? This was right after he was roaring for us!

I celebrated the end of finals at Crown Center with my roommates....

Andrea, Sarah and I reveling in the beauty of the Christmas season!

And then.... We hit the ice!

We found this breathtaking Christmas tree! It seemed to be about the size of Canada... To me anyways. ;)

We couldn't help but play on the toys!

These are my roommates Andrea and Sarah...

Sarah (from Koutz, Indiana) is in my same class in the Forerunner School of Ministry and Andrea (from New Orleans) is a worship leader in the Forerunner Music Academy. They are both such a blessing to me and I have loved growing with them over the last year.

Sarah moves back home this weekend to build a YWAM Mission base and house of prayer near her hometown. I will miss her very much but at the same time, I am very excited to partner with her in what the Lord is doing in Indiana.

That's all for now! Love you all! Hope to see you when I come home at Christmas!

If you feel like a good read during the winter months...

Several people have asked me recently if I have been reading any good books. Obviously I have been reading a lot for school, but I have also been discovering some gems in my reading for pleasure times.

For those of you who would like to be called to a higher standard of holiness as you live before the eyes of the Lord, I would highly recommend you read Jeanne Guyon, "An Autobiography." I am in the middle of my second read of this book this fall because it contains such deep insight into the heart of our Lord. I am utterly shocked at each page as Guyon writes her thoughts in diary form about the Lord and righteous living from 16th century France. I close this book completely and utterly provoked after each chapter. Guyon's words have been the source of much stirring in my heart in areas of conviction, she has caused me to go deeper in the word seeking increased revelation from the heart of the Lord and even greater, provoked me to endure the trials of this life with joy, hope and perseverance, trusting the will of the Father above all things.

A little excerpt from her season of imprisonment for her faith,
"During the time I was at Vincennes under interrogation, I continued in great peace, very content to pass my life there, if such was the will of God. I used to compose hymns, which the maid who served me learned by heart as fast as I composed them; and we used to sing Your praise, O my God! I regarded myself as a little bird you were keeping in a cage for Your pleasure, and who ought to sing to fulfill her condition of life. The stones of my tower seemed to me rubies: that is to say, I esteemed them more than all worldly magnificence. My joy was based on Your love, O my God, and on the pleasure of being Your captive; although I made these reflections only when composing hymns. The central depth of my heart was full of that joy which You give to those who love You, in the midst of the greatest crosses. I let others think what they please, for me, I find security only in abandoning myself to the Lord."

If you want to read something that compels your heart to see the gospel spread throughout the earth, increasing zeal in your heart, read the biography of Brother Yun called "Heavenly Man." This book utterly wrecked me and made me realize how much I have sought "comfortable Christianity." After reading about Brother Yun's book, the Lord has increased my desire to pray for the church of the west to be awakened in truth and for our hearts to be stirred to see revival come to our land. I would share a favorite quote from this book but, as with most of my favorite books, I have given my copy away.

For those of you who desire a deeper understanding of Jesus as the bridegroom, please read "Song of the Bride" by Jeanne Guyon. This book absolutely wrecked my heart in a new understanding of Christ's love for humanity, and me. This book is basically a commentary on the Song of Solomon. Regarding Song of Solomon 1:6, Guyon writes,

"God takes away that which is non-essential in virtue so that He may strengthen the principle of the virtues. The virtues are still practiced by the soul, though in an exceedingly hidden way; and in humility, pure love, absolute abandonment, denial of self, and the other virtues, the soul makes solid progress. It is through this process that the operation of God seems to tarnish the soul on the exterior; in actuality, it indicates no new defects in the soul, but only an uncovering of the old ones so that, by being openly exposed, they may be better healed."

As many of you know, one of my hero's in life since childhood has been Amy Carmichael. Elisabeth Elliot wrote a biography on her life and ministry called "A Chance to Die." This book is raw, it is real and it exposes the vulnerability of Carmicheal's heart as she ministers to the nation of India. I love that even her faults and failures are not hidden from its readers, it proves that no matter what place of influence the Lord puts people in, He still has us all in the process of healing and transformation. This is one of my favorite books! You can find a favorite quote in the headline of this blog.

The Lord is faithful...

I am blown away by the faithfulness of the Lord. Yesterday in our New Testament Survey class, Holy Spirit showed up with the Spirit of conviction. A classmate, burdened by the fear of the Lord, openly confessed his agreement with a mocking spirit and the spirit of judgment toward our leaders and fellow classmates. This was followed by a time of intense corporate repentance and healing, while nearly our entire class broke agreement with these things. The Lord is so faithful and kind in leading us to repentance and uniting the hearts of those He loves! Obviously this topic has been on His heart. :)

After Pondering Matthew 7....

I want to take a few moments and talk about a passage in scripture that has been burning on my heart for a few years. This verse is probably the most commonly quoted portion of scripture in Christianity today and we are all familiar with it, but two years ago the Lord highlighted it to me in a whole new context. I have been hiding it in my heart, trying to grasp the complexity of the Lord’s heart relating the comparison and judgment of others ever since. I am by no means sharing this from a place of complete freedom wrongful judging. I realize this is going to be a reality that the Lord will be working in me for the rest of my life, but, I am committed to the process. At this point, I feel like I have barely scratched the surface but this is something that I believe is an important issue to be grasped in order for us to fully partner with each other in ministry. I know that the spirit of comparison and judgment is something that we all give ourselves to in varying forms and I want to share with you, what the Lord has been speaking to me about it.

If you have your bibles, open them to Matthew chapter 7.
1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. 6 “Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.” Matthew 7:1-6

Instead of looking at this passage with the traditional view, I want us to consider it from a different angle. As I was meditating on this passage the Lord told me, “You don’t realize this but when you judge other people constantly in your mind, you are only hurting yourself. Every time you criticize another person in your heart, you are creating an unrealistic set of standards that you hold yourself to. Ultimately, your inability to meet up to your own standards causes you to grow angry and frustrated at Me, your striving to be perfect according to those standards in your own strength excludes Me from your transformation. And when you judge others, you are judging Me, you are doubting my sovereignty in their lives.” This reality struck me hard. Me, judging the Lord?!?! Ouch. I began my journey of grappling this reality.
Whenever the Lord highlights sin in my life, my automatic reaction is to rationalize my behavior by pointing out the same sin in the lives of others. I frantically search for the specks in other peoples eyes in order to defend my own cause and the log in own my eye never gets addressed or it gets suppressed. When Holy Spirit brings conviction, it doesn’t give us a free ticket to acknowledge that sin in the lives of others. The Lord has all of us on a path to wholeness and freedom and it is going to look different for all of us, the level of maturity He is calling you to may not be where someone else is at.
The repercussions of this in my life lies in the unrealistic standards I create for myself when I unrighteously judge others. I went through a season recently where I couldn’t go to the Lord freely because I had so much shame built up from not being able to meet up to my own expectations of myself. By requiring much from others, I had created an illusion that the Lord expected much more from me, a standard that I could never measure up to in my own strength. This caused me to spiral into aggressive striving and despair. I was too ashamed to go to the Lord in such weakness because I expected His view of me to be much like the view I had of others who struggle with the same issues. Eventually, I grew frustrated with the Lord because I felt like He was distant and had abandoned me. When in reality, it was my own shame and condemnation that created the distance. I doubted His goodness and estranged myself from His mercy and grace, which was already freely mine. I had judged others in defense of my dignity and ended up forfeiting my dignity myself in not allowing the Lord to transform me in my weak state. I doubted the Lord’s sovereignty in the lives of others and lost faith in His sovereignty in my own life.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says,
“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in my infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Instead of standing on the truth found in the word that the Lord’s strength is made perfect in weakness, I judged people according to their own flesh and ability in place of seeing the Lord’s grace in renewing their lives. By holding myself to this same standard, I wallowed in my weak state for too long of a season because, in my own pride I didn’t allow the Lord to make me strong. This is the reality that I have been wrestling with ever since the Lord highlighted that unrighteous spirit of judgment in me.

Does this mean that Jesus doesn’t judge? On the contrary, in John 5:30, Jesus judges others,
"I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me.”
It’s not about completely ridding our lives of all forms of judgment, the Lord wants us to weigh each other with the right heart. The difference between my heart of judgment and the judgment of Jesus is huge, I judge out of a place of seeking my own gain, defending my own reputation. Quite contrarily, Jesus judges based on the will of the Father, His judgments are righteous and pure.

The Lord’s model for judging others is good, He intends for us to challenge people to grow in their knowledge of Him. With the right heart, He uses judgment for His purpose, it is what we choose to do with it that matters. We can either sow truth into the lives of our friends or we can sow darkness and offense into our relationships and into our own hearts. Righteous judgment always has the other person’s best interest in mind. Proverbs 27:17 says that, “As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of a friend.” When the Lord highlights issues in the lives of our friends, we are not to use those things to breed negative thoughts or to make us feel better about ourselves by rationalizing our sinful behavior. The Lord highlights them so that we can pray for one another and if need be, confront our friend in love, sharpening their countenance and calling them into greater knowledge of the Lord. That is what righteous judgment is, addressing truth in love.

My heart is heavy as I share this because I know this is an area of my life where I fall short often and it is something that doesn’t only affect my life and my relationship with the Lord, in even greater measures it affects my relationship with my friends. I want to repent for every time I have taken the seat of the unrighteous judge. Ultimately, my carrying a judgmental spirit prevents unity in our hearts and hinders the spiritual growth of our relationship. My judgment of you amidst your transformation caused my heart to mistrust the Lord’s work in you and through you, preventing me from fully partnering with your heart in ministering to others. As your sister, I want to be one who calls you up higher, challenging you to grow, but I also want to come to you with a pure heart, motivated by the will of the Father.

I want to serve you, to get underneath you, strengthening you for the Lord’s work instead of agreeing with the father of lies about hidden motives or disqualification. In chapter 7:6 of Matthew, Jesus says, “ Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lets they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you into pieces.” By allowing negative, judgmental thoughts toward you to take root in my mind, I have submitted your heart to the dogs, I have casted your actions before swine. In allowing my flesh to judge your heart, I have subjected your ministry to be measured by the standards of this world instead of the Lord’s. In this, I have come into agreement with the enemy, giving way for your honor and dignity to be trampled by the slander of the enemy. Every time I have allowed myself to judge your actions and intentions unrighteously, I forfeited an opportunity to partner with you in advancing the kingdom and I sowed strife and disunity into our relationship instead of trusting the Lord to use you in your weakness.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, we see a picture of what love is supposed to look like,
“ Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”

I want to be a picture of Christ’s love to you, I don’t want to seek my own advancement, I want to always give you the benefit of the doubt, I want to be patient with you, rejoicing when you rejoice, I want to hope with you for your future, I want to stand with you in faith and in prayer for your dreams to be fulfilled. I want to love you well, with full and complete selflessness, seeking your cause. I want to go low so you can go high. I want to make a new commitment to you, that I will promote you and not myself, that I will seek your blessing and not my own, that I will judge your heart as good and pure instead of seeking to discount your intentions or tear you down in order to defend my own honor. I want to commit to you tonight that I will leave Christ in the judgment seat and trust His agenda in transforming your life. Can you pray with me? Lets break our agreement with the spirit of comparison and unrighteous judgment. Can we contend together for the Lord to establish a culture of honor in our relationships and in the body of Christ?

Life as it were... and will be!

Three years ago I was living my dreams. I was walking in the fullness of the Spirit, with Kingdom vision, eager to advance the Kingdom of God in every nation. I was fully partnered with my church and it’s leadership, holding positions of influence and leadership in my church and in my community. I was full of life, had huge vision for my future, I was submitted to authority, growing in the Lord, blessed by deep friendships and looking forward to spending the rest of my life with the man of my dreams.

I came to a point where my focus shifted from pursuing the Lord’s will to seeking the will of my leaders, I transferred the authority of my heart from the Lord to a man and put all of my hope in my relationship with him. At one point I even told the Lord that He can take anything in my life away from me, but He can’t take my relationship away.

But, my God is a jealous God.

Our relationship suddenly ended along with my hopes and dreams for our future, my close covenant friendship with his sister, my pastor, broke. All of my friendships were connected to him, he also served in my church, my heart hit the road of slow, agonizing death. Everything that brought life was gone, suddenly.

In the months that followed, loneliness gripped me with physically painful intensity and I stopped living because I couldn’t bear the grief of the cataclysmic losses. I closed my heart to everyone and everything, including the Lord. I cried out to the Lord for comfort and felt nothing but hopelessness yawning back at me. I asked the Lord why, what is the meaning of all this? He responded with, “I’m rebuilding the cracks in your foundation.” That was anything but comforting, I didn’t feel like that was a sufficient answer. My pain was larger than life, in my own mind I felt like I would never live, never hope again. I knew the truth found in the word that the Father would never leave me or forsake me, even heard it echoing in my heart on a daily basis but I had never felt so abandoned or alone in my life, I had no faith to believe in the Lord’s good and perfect will.

Looking back, I see the Lord’s jealousy for my affection, He has given me a promise from Isaiah 54 that He will restore what’s been lost with beautiful and great things. But I still wonder, when will my heart live again? When will I feel His pleasure and His glory again? When will my vision be restored?

In Isaiah 54:6-8 He promised,”For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused. For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid my face from you for a moment; but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,” says the Lord, Your redeemer. I can’t help but question, when will the Lord bring justice, when will He break in and redeem the time in His everlasting kindness?

For now, I place my hope in the Lord to restore the years the locust has eaten. I trust that His plan and purpose for this season, as agonizing as it has been, will be beautiful and good. I am still standing on my life verse that I have put a bit of my own translation into....

He will turn my mourning into wild dances of freedom, He will clothe me in gladness for every moment of despair. All trials are for His glory, that I may herald His goodness about the earth and praise Him with great joy for eternity.
Psalm 30:11-12 in my own words.

In the meantime, I have found such peace and an occasional amuse bouche of joy in the waiting...

Zoo...

My European friends and I braved the freezing weather and enjoyed a nice trip to the Kansas City zoo on Saturday! We got to see the lions up close and personal and the king of the pride even started roaring for us. It was majestic!

Here is a picture of me with one of the cats....

Also, we had lots of fun watching Nikita the polar bear dive for toys in the pool! Here are my friends Benjamin (a missionary kid who grew up in Germany) and Stefan (from the Netherlands) and I,enjoying Nikita's antics.

This was my fourth visit to the Kansas City zoo! I love visiting the animals there, it is a beautiful park-like place and they opened it up to the public for free for the last couple of months so I have been taking advantage of it!

Daughters of Jerusalem

Here we are! My amazing powderpuff football team! We won our final game which put us #5 in the tournament standings... We had so much fun playing together and praying together throughout the season! Our four coaches were wonderful, they were so patient with us as they taught us how to play from ground zero (well, I started at ground zero anyways). I must say, I've never been told I am awesome so many times when I know I am really not doing all that great. Our team was so positive which made playing together so much fun! I almost intercepted a pass tonight which would've been so bomb (and maybe a bit much for my pride) but I fumbled it... Oh well, next time!

Walla Walla, Walla Walla, Walla Walla, Walla Walla...

This week I got a ticket to come home for 10 days at the end of December! Hooray!!! I will be flying out of Kansas City at 4am on Christmas morning to make it to my Daddy's house for Christmas dinner! Unfortunately my sisters will be without my expert help in the kitchen this year, but I am so blessed to spend the holiday with my family!

I'm planning on spending New Years weekend in Walla Walla! I am looking forward to attending Life Church and connecting with my spiritual family!

Please keep me in prayer, I am currently seeking the Lord about whether or not to remain in Kansas City for another year or two, or pursue some other options that are on my heart. My burden for prayer is heavily for the body of Christ in the northwest. I am contending for awakening, revival as well as strength and wisdom for pastors and leaders. The Lord may be opening some doors in this vein. I am praying about His perfect timing in this. :)

I love you all and I am so blessed by your prayer, support and encouragement!

Jesus, I want to love Him well...

In my Forerunner School of Ministry practicum we are studying the sermon on the mount in Matthew 5-7 which is in essence, Jesus' character. More and more I am overwhelmed by His life, how can someone combat the human flesh in such a perfect way? In the end of chapter 5 Jesus says,"Therefore, you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect." He is basically saying that in keeping ALL of these things, you, your fleshly created being will be perfect as the Father of glory! WHOA!

New goal in life for me, to be perfect as my Father in heaven is perfect. What exactly does that look like? I can imagine it would manifest as ultimate humility, sincere meekness, hunger for righteousness and purity, wholehearted mercy, a pure heart and mind amidst persecution and slander and a lifelong zeal to see the kingdom of heaven invade earth.

Unattainable? In my own flesh. But, with a Holy Helper it is something to be grasped.

I think for me this pursuit needs to begin with a new perspective. In Matthew 7:1-2, Christ talks about judgement, the judgement we give will be the judgement we receive. I believe that even more than the judgement we receive from others, the greatest impact comes from the judgement we place on ourselves. When I judge my brothers and sisters in Christ, I often end up placing that same burden of judgement on myself creating wrong thoughts and beliefs about the heart of the Lord. This sends me into a spiral of self-condemnation, shame and ultimately lack of spiritual growth.

One of the areas I commonly judge is the realm of platform ministry. I have always placed such value and expectation on the stage, to the point of making it my ultimate goal. There is something about the platform that makes me think that only the best and the brightest make it to that point and in my weakness and immaturity I have pursued it as the ultimate level of being approved by the Lord. Could it be possible that the best and the brightest hold positions in the marketplace, as stay at home mom's and Jesus loving housewives as well as full time ministry?

This makes me consider my calling. I have always had a desire to impact the kingdom of God in the greatest way possible, in my mind I have always viewed that as leading hundreds of thousands of people in revival and serving the nations as the next Amy Carmichael. I believe the desires in my heart are God given and my true calling... What has the Lord placed as desires in my heart? Number one... to love well. I want to love Jesus with every ounce of my soul, mind, heart and body, with every cell of my being. Secondly... to love every single person He has blessed my life with. That doesn't mean just a little, "Hi, I'm Korynne, I love you." I want my heart to burn with the Lord's burden for people, I want to carry His heart for the guy that changes the oil on my car at Meineke and the girl waiting at the bus stop by my house when I leave for the prayer room at 6am. I want the fire of love that compels me to pray unceasingly for the lost in my generation. However that manifests in the flesh, it really doesn't matter, I could reach one or one million, my small-in-the-eyes-of-man-love will completely ravish His heart.

Father, instead of taking the post of judge in this life, reveal Your heart to me and help me to take the place of love and mercy, burning with zeal to see Your kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven. I ask Father for kingdom vision, for grace to pursue radical obedience, for faithfulness in love and for help in becoming the likeness of You. Jesus, take this weak lover of You and wash me, help me to love You well.

How I love You, how I love You, how I love You, how I love You, Jesus.

Powderpuff!

The two teams.... Daughters of Jerusalem (Pink) and the Royal Diadem's (purple), praying together...

Hike!!!

Kristi, Amanda and I!

Noelle, my friend from Spokane watching from the sidelines...

Our offense!

My roommate Andrea from New Orleans, myself and Noelle after the game!

I had so much fun!

Sisters...

Well... I've been contending for my little sister for about 6 years now to come to know the Lord with her life. We were best friends until I was 19, we did everything together. Due to family circumstances we have been disconnected since and it was a dream come true for her to come and share my life here in Kansas City. I had envisioned her getting captivated by the heart of Father God and I was prepared to disciple her into the Kingdom of God. She arrived during our Friday night Encounter God service just in time for the message. She was quiet and didn't seem to have any response to the service (which I expected because it was pretty mellow.)
I showed her around the city a bit before work on Saturday and we just had some hang out time.
I went to work Saturday night and I noticed I wasn't on the schedule past the following weekend, I talked to my boss and he said unless I was willing to quit school and commit more time at work, he would have to replace me. I completely understood and felt peace about it and went home.
I went to work early the next morning and left my sister sleeping in bed and after work she wasn't home. I went to football practice and finally got a hold of her on the way, she said she was on the internet at Starbucks and would see me later. After practice she called and said she needed to talk so we went out together to a quiet place and she said she was leaving, she couldn't stay here. She said that I live in a wicked, evil place and that my church is a cult. She spent 6 hours researching IHOP-KC as a cult on the internet and got a headful of information from the father of lies. Long story short, I asked her to give me some reasons for her belief that we could measure it with the word and she said that her feelings were enough. She said she sees demons all over me, all over my school and all over my house and she can't stay and neither should I.
We met again the next morning to try to iron things out, but I guess it's just not the Lord's timing for her. I'm trusting that what seems like a giant leap backwards in the area of her salvation is all part of the Lord's greater plan of redemption and restoration for my family.
My little sister is heading back to Washington state to re-unite with my mom.
My heart is disappointed, but at peace, I feel covered in prayer and bathed in the tender mercy and grace of the Lord.
Thank you for standing with me for my unsaved family! The Lord WILL prevail in His perfect timing!

You must watch this!

This is a 700 club interview with a man from IHOP-KC who started a ministry to raise awareness and prayer to end human slavery....

I feel like I've been hit by a train!

So... I worked from 9-3 and went straight to football practice, our coaches kicked our butts with exercises and running and pattern drills and... I played the runningback and quarterback today in our practice, I even got to blitz a few times. Aren't you impressed with my football lingo? I learned that all today. :)
We have a great team, I am pretty confident we are going to win the tourney in a few weeks... My body hurts sooooooo bad though!

Did I mention football?

I forgot the most intriguing part of my update! I have joined a women's football league (that's touch football for those of you entertaining thoughts of me bare-knuckle-boxing poor unsuspecting victims.) My body feels like I got hit by a train after my first 2 hour practice and I feel much like Forrest Gump probably felt when he first started to play the game with really confusing rules. Once I understand the point of the game I'm sure I'll get it all ironed out but in the meantime I've had to resort to asking which direction I need to run and who to stop. Anyways, it's fun and it's exercise and have you ever known me to pass up an opportunity for some healthy competition? :) More to come!

September update...

Hi friends!
Since many people haven't been receiving my updates from my other e-mail, I've decided to send this update from my school e-mail. I do hope it works!
Thank you so much for the prayer and encouragement! I have definitely felt the grace and mercy of the Lord these past few weeks amidst the craziness and being utterly buried in commitments and homework. Praise God!
Jesus is so good!
This semester is in full swing! I have a 20 page exegesical paper due here pretty soon and I am learning a TON about studying and applying the word! In my hermeneutics class I am learning how come to a passage with an open mind/heart, rid myself of as much pre-supposition as possible, study the passage in greek and hebrew, then do a full study on each word in the passage (each word takes about 3 days), incorporate any cultural, political information I can find as well as what was going on in the lives of the intended readers at the time, discover any parallel's found in the rest of the bible and then and only then make my interpretation and conclusions based on my findings. It is really difficult, but at the same time extremely fascinating. I feel like the scriptures are opening up in a whole new way for me! I am blown away by how much I have improperly interpreted and applied scripture in my life!
My little sister should be moving in with me this week if everything goes as planned! It has been a long 3 months of prayer and waiting for her to arrive, the end is in sight, she gave her notice at her work 2 weeks ago on Sunday and she is training her replacement as we speak. In the meantime I have re-organized my bedroom and life to make way for another person! The Lord has been giving me dreams about her, I could use some prayer for her heart to be open to the Lord and also to my speaking into her life. Our background has been rocky and I'm afraid her opinion of me isn't that wonderful. I so want to see her encounter the Lord while she is here and I don't want any past hurts to hinder that.
I love you all very much! I am working on getting some pictures of my school and my life in Kansas City to upload on my blog. I'm working on that in my "extra" time. :)

See you on the other side...

I was sitting in class yesterday as my teacher was going over the course syllabus and class expectations, suddenly, this indescribable feeling of anger/fear came over me. It felt like I was losing control and the anger was toward my teacher and her expectations. For some reason I had this fear that they were trying to manipulate and control me.(Most of my school days are from 6am to 6pm.) I started to have thoughts of quitting and then I stopped myself...
Ultimately, I'm overwhelmed by the course load. All of my school experiences thus far have allowed me to skate by with the bare minimum and somehow I've always managed to come out on top. And... with little or no effort. For example, last semester I was working so much that I barely studied for the tests. Well... I did on the first few but they were all so difficult that I stopped caring so much. In all honesty my test grades showed, but with my perfect attendance and my good grades on my papers I still walked out of my classes with a resounding A. As I've been introduced to my classes this week, I'm faced with high expectation after high expectation and on top of that, my classes include about 10x the amount of work compared to the last two semesters. I will not be able to skate by this term and my flesh is having a conniption fit.
And then the Lord reminded me about why I left everything behind, and spent all my pennies on the move and tuition. I came to go deep in the word and fall more in love with Jesus.
I spend 25+ hours a week in the prayer room seeking the face of the Lord and contending for His Kingdom to come. My biblical hermeneutics class includes greek and hebrew word study, my sermon on the mount lifestyle class includes memorizing most of the book of Matthew, and my old testament survey class requires reading the entire old testament this month. Deep in the word? I think so! Challenged to grow in the Lord? Of course! Demanding? Absolutely!
As I sit here in the prayer room I am also reminded of all the character issues I've been crying out for Holy Spirit to help me with and I feel much like Paul in Romans 7, what I want to do I do not do and what I don't want to do I do! I want to be faithful when the going gets tough, I don't want to seek the easy way out. I feel like I tend to strategize about how I can finish my tasks in the shortest and easiest way possible. I don't want to do that in my relationship with the Lord. I want to be excellent in all that the Lord entrusts me with. I also want reformation in my motives, I tend to only enjoy doing things that get me something in return and I fail to give wholeheartedly into what I won't reap benefits from. Gah selfishness! My pride is such a biggie for me. Lord have mercy! I can't do it on my own!
I feel like in one semester all of these areas are being confronted in tandem with on whopping drop kick in the face. I think the Lord is putting my flesh in the incinerator. Goodbye self, see you on the other side!

Coming home!

I'm coming home for a visit!!! This week!!! In less than 40 hours I will be running into the arms of my loved ones in the Spokane, WA airport. If you are in the area, I will be having a little gathering at the Red Roof House on the corner of E. Sumach and Clinton St. in Walla Walla next Monday, August 15th at 6:00pm. Please bring your favorite tapas or appetizer and be prepared to get your tail kicked at Bocce!

Psalm 119... in my own words.

Lord I want to walk undefiled in the way, teach me by Your Spirit to walk rightly. Teach me Your heart and Your zeal for holiness. I want my life to be a pleasing sacrifice to You. Make my heart sensitive to Your leading, to Your Spirit of conviction in my pursuit of righteousness.
Jesus I want to be wholehearted about you. I’m tired of being distracted and pacified by the things of this world. Holy Spirit, put a fire on my heart that makes me satisfied with only You.
I want to always walk in Your ways, I want to be found blameless and pure in Your sight. Cover me with the precious blood of the Lamb. I ask for a fresh revelation of Your grace and Your mercy that is new every morning. Lord, You have commanded us to keep Your precepts with diligence. Give me the wisdom and grace to be faithful, give me the strength to stand for righteousness and truth. That I may have a clean heart when I look into all of Your commandments, that I may go boldly to Your throne and not be ashamed.
With a pure heart I will praise You when I hear of Your righteous judgements. For Your ways are good and higher than my ways. Father, I want to partner with You in the righteous judgement of darkness, I want to partner with You in justice.
Though I stumble oh Lord, do not forsake me, I will keep Your commands. I will be obedient unto death. Make my heart more sensitive to Your heart, sharpen my conscience, that I may walk rightly, always. Father, be patient with me, send Helper to teach me.
Thank You that when I live by Your word, You cleanse my path. Speak to me Father about the way I should go. My whole heart is seeking You, my soul thirsts for Your righteousness. Don’t let me stray from Your way, redirect my steps that I may walk rightly all the days of my life.
I have kept Your word in my heart, I have valued Your truth that I might not sin against You. Give me the strength to be obedient every time. Father I ask for passion to well up inside that burdens me to pursue Your will and forsake every earthly pleasure. With my lips I declare Your truth, I ask for the revelation of Your word in increasing measure, that I may boldly proclaim Your truth to my generation among the nations. Your word gives me great joy, I value Your word more than riches, Your revelation more than wealth, Your truth more than precious gems.
I will meditate on Your law and Your ways, for Your law is my greatest delight and Your ways are the treasure I seek in this life. I will spend my days dwelling on Your word. I will not forget Your voice, it is ringing in my mind and Your ways I know in my soul.
Father I ask for conviction to be great, mercy that abounds and grace in abundance. That I may live and walk rightly, for Your glory, in peace and in love with the hope of my calling. My greatest desire is to walk blameless before You with everything that hinders love abolished. Father take me to the cross, free me from every remnant of the world.
Open my eyes to see all of You, purify every area where my vision has become clouded and dull. I want to gaze upon Your beauty and wonder at Your law. I don’t belong here Lord, I live for another age. I long for Your voice and wait to hear Your commands. Don’t leave me without guidance, don’t leave me stranded in a world that’s not my own.
You are my home, You are my only sustenance, You are my hope until I come home. Lead me, guide me, teach me, I am lost on this earth without You. Lord, come quickly to my rescue. I long for Your presence and I wait eagerly for You to avenge me.
Give me a heart that is humble, take away every desire in my heart that seeks to be exalted. Remove every measure of pride and fear of man within me. I don’t want to be rebuked with the proud who stray from Your commands. Teach me now Holy Spirit to walk in humility.
All reproach and contempt that I have had in my heart Lord, take away, anything in me that is not of You Lord remove from me.
Father, forgive me for every judgmental thought and word I’ve used to accuse another. Set me free from the judgment and accusation of others, for I seek only to do Your will. Give me a heart of love for others, teach me to love like You do.
Your testimonies are my hope and my delight, Your words of truth and life are what sustains me in the dark night of my soul. The knowledge of Your favor and goodness is what brings me joy and peace when my strength is lost.
My soul clings to worthless things and seeks treasure in lifeless things of this age. Awaken my heart to greater pleasure, sustain me with the true revelation of You and the fullness of Your love.
I have sought You for direction and You have led me. You won’t let me go astray when I seek You. Teach me Your ways, show me the depths of Your heart, give me an understanding of Your law so I can meditate on Your goodness and Your greatness among the earth. For all power, all authority and all glory belongs to You my Lord.
When I look at the darkness that flaunts itself about the earth, my soul is burdened with despair. Your words of truth and power are my strength, when I look to You, my heart is lifted up in hope.
Father, I want to be a woman who stands for truth in all things, give me an honest tongue and remove every deceitful root in my heart. I ask for Your heart of grace and mercy as You teach me Your ways.
I long for Your truth, by it I want to live my life. I trust You as the just judge to sift the world of sin. Every questionable thing I lay at Your feet. Help me to keep from taking things into my own hands.
I depend on Your word Lord, in it I find my hope and strength. Do not leave me without.
I will persevere in obedience, Your leadership is good and pure. You never give me anything that is too great to handle, You equip me for every good work.
Holy Spirit, teach me how to live according to Your word, teach me how to walk in Your ways. Increase my sensitivity to Your voice and Your leading and I will keep it until the end.
Give me the Spirit of revelation and understanding and I will know Your ways. With a whole and pure heart I pursue Your will and Your ways.
My greatest joy is to walk rightly with You, don’t let me stray from Your command.
Soften my heart to Your voice, turn my ear that I may hear the whispers of Your heart. Remove every desire that is not of You. You are my one desire.
Keep my heart from seeking the things of this world, You are my greatest treasure, awaken my heart to Your love. Establish my heart in Your word, give me the revelation of Your heart on how to walk like Jesus walked. I am committed to live my life pleasing to You. I am devoted to spend my life in fear of Your holy name.
Deal with my heart in a merciful way. Take away the burden of shame and the knowledge of the judgements of others. Remove the fear of man far from me, teach me to fear only You. You are the true and just judge and Your ways are good.
I long to do Your will, awaken my heart in the way I should go. Pour out You fresh mercies on my soul today Father. Extend Your hand of salvation in the way You have promised. Take my heart, make it right and new and holy. Help me, draw near to my heart in intimacy today.
I trust You to lead me, when I am accused, You are my defender and my reward when people rise against me. Help me to always know Your truth, Your words are my delight. Teach me how to bring glory to Your name with my lips.
I will keep Your word always, I will be obedient all the days of my life. You are worth every minute of my day and all praise, honor and glory belongs to You.
You are the one who has set me free. As I serve You, in every little thing, I surrender to You, You are bringing even more freedom to my heart.
I will not fear in declaring Your word. Give me the words to say and the strength to proclaim all truth. I have all my confidence in Your truth, no man will hinder my resolve to sing of Your love.
Your ways I love, Your law is a pleasure to abide by. Your ways are good and I love to keep Your commands.
Lord, remember Your promises to me, they have been my vision and my source of hope in the desert seasons.
When I am low, Your words are my source of life. Thank You Father for being so faithful to me, for being near me in my struggles. Without Your voice I would be lost.
My heart is torn by the proud but I don’t lose sight of Your commands.I am reminded of Your judgements among the generations and my heart is assured. I remember Your truths with gladness and I am not afraid.
Doubt and fear have flooded my perception because of the darkness around me. Your law has been my hope and my delight in the journey of my faith. I sing of Your word all of my days. In it I find peace and hope in an age of darkness and despair. What would I do without You! How marvelous are Your works.
Your law has become my own because even amidst darkness I have kept it. I love to follow Your commands and hate every wicked thing. I cry out to You when I lose my way, in the dark night of the soul I know who my Savior is.
You are my reward, I love to follow Your will, when I step away in disobedience, I return quickly because I despise being separated from You.
I yearn for Your favor with everything I am. Don’t leave me without, have mercy on me and fulfill my desires.
I search my heart daily and consider my actions and change according to Your leading. My heart longs to be pleasing to You.
Quickly I change my ways and obey Your commands. Even as the wicked surround me and pressure me to stray, always Your commands are on my mind. I will not give in to the ways of the wicked. In the night I am awake praising and worshiping You. Your ways are good and true, I can’t help but sing of Your love!
I am in unity with all who are right with You and a friend to those who walk closely with You. I do not seek companions who dwell in wickedness.
Your kindness covers the earth, You deal with us so tenderly and lovingly. Show me Your ways. You have kept Your promise to me, You are so good and faithful.
Give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You. I believe all Your ways are righteous and true, show me how to walk as You do.
In Your kindness, You judge my ways and lead me according to Your word. Even when I am brought low, I see Your hand. Now I know to keep Your words.
You are gracious and compassionate, teach me to walk as You walked. When lies are formed against me, I will keep Your law and not forget Your ways. With all that I am I will pursue righteousness and truth.
Their hearts indulge in the things of this world, but I find my joy in You. Nothing else will satisfy me like You.
I am so thankful for my trials because through them, You have showed me my weaknesses and I have seen the goodness of Your ways. Before I was afflicted, I walked in blindness, now You have shed light on the darkness in my heart. Oh Lord, You have been so patient with me.
Your commands are better than riches, to me there is nothing more valuable.
You have molded me by your own hands, teach me how to walk in Your ways and according to Your law. Other followers will delight to see me because we are of one heart and of one mind. My companions who know You are my closest and deepest friends.
Father, I see now that it was Your mercy that brought me through the desert season. I was brought low so You could be exalted. Thank You for Your jealous pursuit of my heart.
I am still in this wilderness, caught up in the refiners fire, bring comfort to me today with the knowledge of Your goodness, of Your faithful mercies. Give me the strength to stand faithful to Your cause.
I want fresh revelation of Your law. I love to serve You, teach me Your ways Father, extend Your great mercy to me today, so I can hope in Your love.
Father, bring conviction to my accusers, expose the darkness in their hearts before their eyes. They treated me harshly, but I will look to You for help.
Lord, bring unity to those that fear You, that we would cause worship and adoration of You to spring up all around the earth.
Purify my heart before Your throne. Every dark place and hidden sen remove from me, leave no stone un-turned in my heart. Send our Spirit of conviction heavily upon my heart, that I may repent and be clean.
Increase my sensitivity to Your Spirit, to Your voice, I don’t want to miss a thing, have mercy on me.
I am so desperate for Your grace and mercy Lord, I long for Your salvation. Without You I dwell in darkness, You are my only hope, in You alone I put my faith.
My wilderness seems to have no end, I’ve grown weary of searching. When will You come for me? When will You avenge me? When will I know the sweetness of Your presence and the glory of intimacy with You again? Come quickly my Lord!
You know the plans You have for me, You know the number of my days. How long must I wander in this wilderness of pain? Comfort my heart Lord. Give me the strength to pursue Your heart when I am weary, give me the faith to stand even when my emotions aren’t stirred by Your love.
Your word is true for eternity, Lord it lasts beyond every generation. How wonderful are Your ways. All creation knows of Your wondrous love and can confirm Your faithfulness that is unmatched. You have been so faithful to lead me through every season. I will sing of Your mercy forever.
If I hadn’t loved to please You and desired no lesser pleasure, I wouldn’t have made it through my desert season. My hope in Your love and truth is what I cling to when darkness surrounds me.
I will remember YOur ways forever. I look to You when the world comes against me. Your word is my guiding light.
I belong to You, everything I am and have looks to You for help. Save me Lord, I seek You for direction.
Even when my enemies swindle me into confusion. They do their best to destroy my faith, but I wait for You.
I have tasted and have seen, I have encountered the highest pleasures of You.
Lord, I delight in Your word, all day long I remember Your promises.
Through the revelation of Your word and the knowledge of Your ways, I am wiser than those who persecute me. I love Your word, make it come alive in me Lord.
Because I meditate on You and depend on Your for wisdom and revelation, I have more understanding than those above me.
I have more knowledge than those older than me because You have revealed to me Your law and I abide by it.
I have avoided every temptation and pull into darkness in order to honor You and obey Your commands. I want to please You Father and bring glory to Your name in the way I live every detail of my life.
You Yourself have showed me the way, in Your mercy, You have led me. I will follow You and obey You all the days of my life.
I hunger for Your words! I love to hear Your voice! Tune my ear to Your heart, I want to hear You clearly. I don’t want to miss a single thing.
Your word makes me despise wickedness and avoid every dark thing. Thank You Father for revealing truth and light to me.
Your holy bible is the way You show me the way to go, it gives me good direction and keeps my feet from stumbling down the wrong path. Without Your word, Lord I would be lost in darkness.
I have committed my whole life to following You. I will always keep Your law. The words of Your mouth awake my soul and bring me life. Speak over me, show me the beauty and greatness of Your kingdom in the word.
All of my heart and soul I have given to You voluntarily. Deal tenderly with me and show me how to live by Your word.
You have given me the choice in whether or not I will trust You and surrender my life to You. I will remember Your ways always. My enemies have tried to capture me and distract me from You. I will not fall for any evil trap because my desire is only for You.
My favorite way to spend my life is by Your word. I will waste my life in pursuit of You. I love to follow Your law.
My heart is committed to obedience to You. All the days of my life I will serve You.
Father I despise hypocrisy, I love to obey Your law. Give me doves eyes, I don’t want to look to the right or to the left. I put all my thoughts on You alone.
When I am afraid it is You I run to for comfort and protection. You promise in Your word to work all things together for good for those who love You. I stand on that, my hope is fully in You Lord.
Don’t even bother trying to distract me from truth, I look to the word of the Lord to find all my hope, peace and direction. I won’t follow any other way.
Father, I trust You in the keeping of Your word. In You alone I find life and hope, awaken my heart to Your love and the knowledge of Your will.
Lift up my eyes in hope, don’t let my heart be discouraged. You are the God I can trust.
You turn away from the deceitful but You dwell in me because I am faithful to Your cause. You are the righteous avenger of all that is wicked. Oh how I love Your law, it is my comfort and my song.
I am blown away by the Spirit of the fear of the Lord. My whole being shudders at the knowledge of Your glory and power. Have mercy on my flesh holy Father, deal tenderly with Your servant on the day of judgement. All honor, glory and power belongs to You.
Lord, I have followed Your ways and I have been obedient to Your call, I have acted on Your behalf and brought glory to Your name. Do not give me over to my enemies, have mercy on me, save me by Your righteous right hand.
Be my guard against darkness and the evil one always. Save me from the spirit of oppression, do not let it take hold on my soul.
My body and soul are weary from seeking You, come to my rescue, I need You to put an end to this misery of seeking all that I cannot find.
Have mercy on me, teach me the way I should go. I have given my life to You, deal with your servant with tenderness and mercy. Give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You. I wand to know Your word.
Lord, I need You to avenge me now. My enemies have paid no attention to Your will and don’t care about walking rightly.
But I love to please You, I delight in Your law and in walking with You. Communion with You is my greatest treasure.
I partner with You in every way, You are good and right and true. I despise any plan that opposes You and won’t befriend anyone who lives against Your law.
Lord, Your words are so good, I love to follow Your law. Your ways are my greatest joy to abide. Your word opens up my heart and my mind with the Spirit of wisdom and revelation. It brings light to my soul and adds passion to my journey. I am desperate for Your word, for revelation that only comes from Your heart. Have mercy on me and come quickly, give to me all that my heart longs for, to know You and to know Your ways. Turn Your heart toward me, I know You are good.
Make my ways Your ways, my thoughts Your thoughts and break my heart for what breaks Yours. Guard me from every evil thing and every spirit of oppression that haunts me. Cover me today by Your mighty hand, let nothing hinder intimacy with You.
Save me from the dark things in the flesh, guard my heart and my mind from all who walk in darkness around me.
Let me be a guiding light to them, show me how to reveal Your heart to them and lead them to You.
I weep from a broken heart because the world doesn’t know of Your love and mercy that is for them. I grieve with the knowledge that they knowingly turn away from Your hand. Father, in Your mercy, let me be like Jonah, like Daniel, like Jeremiah, let me be a voice heralding the truth of Your word. Have mercy on my nation, have mercy on my generation Father. Awaken our hearts to truth!
Oh Lord, You are perfect in every way, even YOur judgements are just and true. I trust every decision You make. I will follow You with my whole heart. I can always depend on Your word to be holy and pure. Your ways are good and Your faithfulness will endure for all time.
My soul cries out with testimonies of Your goodness to a lost and depraved generation.
I love Your word Father, it contains all righteousness, it is good and true. My joy is full when I live according to it.
I am just a lowly servant, hated by my enemies, even my family, but I will always remember the faithfulness of Your ways.
Your righteousness lasts for all time, it has no end. Your word is holy, there is no flaw in it.
When persecution and trials swallow me up, when I allow my circumstances to rise up against me, Your word is my hope and my reward. you are who I cling to when I feel lost and alone.
Show me the way and I will make it, open up Your word and I will have hope, send Your spirit of wisdom and revelation and my heart will come alive.
Answer me when I call, turn Your ear to me, save me Lord from this world. Renew my mind, make my will Yours, change my heart, I will follow You always.
Rescue me and I will be obedient to death, You are my only hope. Every morning I awake to know Your heart. Sometimes I feel like it’s a fruitless pursuit. I call fro You and search for You in Your word.
I am up all night watching, waiting, fasting, seeking, yearning for You. It feels like ages since You have come to my rescue. I am desperate to know You. Reveal Yourself to me, have mercy on my heart, Lord. You are gracious and true, avenge me, come to my rescue.
Darkness and evildoers surround me, I can’t get away.
But You have drawn near, You are the guard who watches my heart.
Your word is my compass. For generations it has been light and truth, I will hope in You.
Father, You see the state of my heart, You see what I face in this life. Set me free according to Your will. I will continue to seek You and obey Your word.
Awaken my heart again, send Your Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You. Come Holy Spirit, reveal Your heart again to me, break my heart for what breaks Yours. Set me free from lofty expectations that put You in a box.
You have rescued me from myself, from my sin and shame, but so many others are lost and without hope.
Your mercy is so wonderful, You pour it out on those who wait. Open up Your heart to me, I want to love as You love and feel as You feel.
So many people surround me without hope, I know the darkness of their hearts, they don’t know or follow Your will.
But I am here, longing for You, pursuing righteousness and truth, following Your ways and searching for Your heart. Have mercy on me, teach me to fear You, pour out Your Spirit on me, awaken my heart in faith, in truth and in love.
Your words are the embodiment of righteousness and truth, in it no falsehood can be found. Your truth will stand upon every generation, among every tribe and tongue. Leaders taunt me and despise me but I stand at peace because I have heard Your voice.
In Your words I find joy, hope and peace, Your word is like a priceless gift.
I despise all that is false, but I love Your laws, they are the truth that sets me free.
Everyday I spend time seeking Your voice and Your ways because in You I find my hope and my delight.
Even when trials come, I have peace and joy because I can trust in You. Everything good comes from You, I will not fall away because I love to follow Your ways.
All of my hope is hidden in You which is why I obey Your law. Everything in my finds joy in following You. My heart is at peace when I am in communion with You.
You know every thought, You see every desire, You watch all of my actions and judge them according to Your word. I love to be right with You Lord, I delight in the freedom I find in You. You are worthy of all honor, glory and praise. I live my life to worship You and to honor Your holy name.
Father, hear my voice, I yearn for You, I long to know Your heart. Give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You.
Let my cries of longing reach Your throne, rend the heavens, come down, awaken my heart and set me free.
I will worship You forever, You are the good leader, You are the good teacher. I have followed and obeyed You, save me from this life, rescue me from the sorrows of the world.
I love to walk in the light, I desire to know more of Your word, it is You that I love.
Set my heart free to praise You, without burdens, sorrow and strife. Purify my heart in Your mercy, let me love You unhindered.
I have wandered about as a prodigal, but now I cry out for restoration. Draw me in, extend Your hand of grace to me. Take me to the highest place in Your heart, take me to the Holy place again. I have not forgotten Your ways, with my whole heart I seek them again. Come to me, answer me, redeem me, set me free to love.

The Shulamite and me in a season of testing

Song of Solomon 6:4-7 describes the Lord’s response to the beauty of the bride in her time of testing as well as the godly character of the bride in her desert season. Let’s take a look at the symbolism within the scriptures before I compare the season the Shulamite maiden experienced with a season in my personal life.
1. Jesus describes His emotions for the bride. Song of Solomon 6:4a
Jesus addresses the bride by declaring “Oh my love!” This comes out of the overflow of adoration in His heart for the bride. Calling her by name isn’t enough to fully describe the emotion in His heart at that moment.
2. Jesus uses two ancient cities to describe the internal and external beauty of the Shulamite. “...you are as beautiful as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem.” Song of Solomon 6:4b
As Jesus describes the bride He calls her as beautiful as Jerusalem and as lovely as Tirzah. In ancient times, Tirzah was known as one of the most beautiful cities in the world, it was once the capitol of the Caananites. Jerusalem is often thought of as the spiritual capital of the world, it is where Solomon built his temple of worship which was the only place known on earth where the Spirit of God manifest Himself continuously in the Holy of Holies. The contrast between the two shows that Jesus is describing the bride as beautiful in Spirit and lovely in the flesh. This beauty would captivate believers and non-believers alike.
3. The Bridegroom refers to the bride in a way that tells of her strength of character in Song of Solomon 6:4c. “...awesome as an army with banners!”
He is acknowledging her maturity in tribulation and her strength to stand trial without giving into temptation and sin. She walks out of her circumstances carrying the banner of an overcomer, the banner of grace, the banner of perseverance, the banner of faith and devotion. Where she could’ve given in to doubt and insecurity, she chose to hold on to the truth, fully established in her identity as a lover of God.
4. As the bride lovingly looks at Jesus amidst her season of testing, He is overwhelmed with emotion by her adoration of Him. “Turn your eyes away from Me, for they have overcome me.” Song of Solomon 6:5a
Jesus is greatly moved by her unrelenting gaze. So much so, that He is completely overcome with emotion. The greatest delight of the Lord’s heart is a heart in wholehearted, voluntary worship of Him. The bride was in the midst of testing, yet she kept her gaze on Jesus. This phrase describes Jesus’ heart being overwhelmed by the love of the bride.
5. Jesus affirms the Shulamite by describing her character in 3 parts.“ Your hair is like a flock of goats going down from Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep which have come up from the washing; every one bears twins, and none is barren among them. Like a piece of pomegranate are your temples behind your veil. Song 6:5b-7”
Jesus is describing the bride based on 3 details of her nature, her hair, her teeth and her temples. In each one, Jesus is affirming her grace, growth and maturity in faith. Her hair symbolizes her dedication to Jesus, her teeth describe her life in the word and her temples are symbolic of her godly emotions.


Just as the Shulamite went through seasons of testing, I as well have been through several in my own life. I wish I could say I faced each one fully in grace and maturity as the Shulamite did, but I do believe the Lord used each season to produce maturity in me. I am going to use my most recent desert season as an example because it is still very fresh and very real in my heart.
I had gone from sitting under the terebinth tree, eating cakes and raisins and enjoying getting to know the Lord’s heart as my friend to following Him over the mountains into ministry. Three years ago you would have found me completely alive in the Spirit, walking in full confidence in my identity as a daughter of the King and heir in the Kingdom of heaven. My heart was driven by the love of the Lord and His jealousy for the people. I was one of the leaders in our youth ministry, small group leading, on the prayer ministry and pastoral ministry teams, leader of the greeting team, teacher in the 1st and 2nd grade classroom, as well as co-leader in a community based discipleship program in my church.
My heart was at home serving my church and I worked on the side to make ends meet. I loved this season of partnership with Christ, seeing heaven invade earth and lives changed and set free. I ended up getting involved in a relationship and at the time it seemed like the perfect addition to my perfect life of fullness and joy. The relationship ended with a broken heart on my end and the young man jumped into ministry alongside me in my church. I became a walking zombie, where life and joy had dwelled in my heart before, it was now overflowing with pain and numbness. I cried out to the Lord morning and night for comfort, for peace, for restitution and felt like I was talking to air. I had not only lost hope for my future, but I also felt like I had lost my best friend Holy Spirit.
I wrestled with the Lord for two years as He finally brought me to the place where I was living alone ( I had been a part of a community based discipleship program for 3 years), barely able to go to my church because of the loss and pain I felt when I was there, seeking the Lord in my apartment about where He wanted me to be. I was reminded of a season where I had briefly looked into doing an internship or something at IHOP-KC but was held back by all of my responsibilities at my local church. I started praying about the possibility of moving and three weeks later I drove in to Kansas City with only the belongings I could fit in my car.
Looking back on the season I had been in while in Washington state I could see the jealousy of the Lord’s heart for me. He was showing me that He is first, before ministry, before friendships, before marriage, above my identity as a great minister before man. Even though I was plagued with feelings of doubt, fear and condemnation in that season, I still declared my trust in Him and His sovereignty in my situation. I didn’t feel His presence, I sometimes wondered if He even saw the pain I was in and the confusion I faced but I held on to faith that He was good, that He was in the process of working everything together for good because I loved Him and chose to trust Him.
After studying chapter 6 of Song of Solomon where the Shulamite captivated Jesus’ heart by her trust and adoration of Jesus amidst her season of testing, I’ve been awakened to Jesus’ heart for me as I went through my own season of testing and chose to trust and obey and worship Him amidst my pain and confusion. My weak expressions of worship and cries of pain that I breathed during that season were not only heard but savored and delighted in by Father God. My trust in Him captivated His heart! I am so thankful for the growth and the things I learned about myself and the Lord during that time. I feel like I am just now at a point where I can look back with gratitude at the gentle way the Lord led me through, causing me to pursue Him more and dig deeper in the word and trust Him with even greater faith than ever before.

Video news

My June 2011 update

Greetings from the midwest! It’s been a little bit since I have connected with you all! I pray you are healthy, happy and full in the Spirit! So much has happened in the past few months I barely know where to start! God is so good, I am so blessed to be His! I have so much to be thankful for.
I finished my first semester of the Forerunner School of Ministry and jumped immediately into my second semester via e-school. This allows me to soar right in as a 2nd year student in the fall. The course load is super intense as I have to jam an entire semester into two and a half months but despite working two jobs and moving twice, I’m two weeks ahead of schedule. Just to give you an idea about what my class schedule looks like... I have about 14-hour long lectures, a report, a comprehensive test, an assigned book to read, a journal assignment and 10+ prayer room hours to fulfill per week. I’m keeping very busy, but I am enjoying every minute of what the Lord is doing in my life. Right now in my practicum my journal assignment is a verse by verse hand written commentary of Psalm 119. Unexpectedly my commentary has turned into an outpouring of my heart in prayer, the Lord has been speaking so much to my heart through it.
I just finished reading the book “Why Revival Tarries” by Leonard Ravenhill. I would highly recommend everyone read it, this book convicted my heart in so many ways and has inspired me even more to pursue the Lord with everything that I am. Ravenhill’s thoughts on prayer were especially powerful, “Who can tell the measure of God’s power? One might estimate the weight of the world, tell the size of the Celestial city, count the stars of heaven, measure the speed of lightning, and tell the time of the rising and setting of the sun--but you cannot estimate prayer power. Prayer is as vast as God because He is behind it. Prayer is as mighty as God because He has committed Himself to answer it. God pity us that in this noblest of all employments for the tongue and for the spirit, we stammer so. If God does not illuminate us in the closet, we walk in darkness. At the judgement seat the most embarrassing thing the believer will face will be the smallness of his praying.” p.156
I must say, the measure of my faith in prayer must increase, the passion that drives my prayer life must increase, the brevity of my prayers must cease, Father give me the burden for intercession! This has been the cry of my heart lately, the burden of prayer I have carried in my heart up until now has been so miniscule compared to the burden the Lord wants to give me.
I started a new job serving at Bluestem a few weeks ago, it is an ultra-fine-dining restaurant that offers two options, a 5 course tasting menu and a 10 course tasting menu. Although the food is unmatched in the midwest and the pay will be a huge step up from NoRTH, I have never worked in such a spiritually dark place before. I have to constantly ask the Lord to keep my heart in check and to give me grace to be salt and light to my co-workers. Due to my school schedule in the fall I will only be available to work on Saturday nights which might pose an issue but I’m trusting the Lord to guide me and to provide for me, so all in all I have peace that whatever direction He leads it will be good.
Regardless of where I am working I have requested time off during the 2nd week of August to come home! I have been missing everyone so badly that I have been bursting into tears every time I see someone who reminds me of someone back home. I’ll keep you posted on when that will be, I have yet to make travel arrangements.
Somehow I have managed to encounter nearly all of the hazards of the midwest in the short time I have been here, from tarantula’s (no joke) and cottonmouth snakes to getting vampired by deer ticks, why do I have to be such an adventurer!!?!? I had a rude awakening when 12 tornado’s swept the streets of my neighborhood one morning. My roommates and I piled into the bathtub under a mattress for two hours to wait until the coast was clear. The Lord had His mighty hand on us as it was three days after the Joplin tragedy and no serious damage was done. Speaking of Joplin, it is only 2 hours south of me and IHOPU is sending teams to aid the families involved as well as raise up prayer furnaces in the city. Some of my friends have gone to help and they say that it is surreal walking through the devastated streets. Every house is leveled to it’s foundation minus a couch or a shower or a closet that remained untouched. It is amazing to see the mercy of the Lord for the people because 9 times out of ten the untouched place is where the people were hiding. A classmate who was there told me that out of about 7,000 homes that were destroyed only 162 people were killed. As a result, I have heard several testimonies of people giving their lives to the Lord. Praise God! The people there are still in an incredible state of shock and need a ton of prayer, love and support. Please pray for Joplin!
Well, I have much more to tell but it will have to wait until another day!
I love you all and think of you often! Please let me know how to pray for you! I love hearing from you!
Bless you!
Korynne Van Riper

I was in a music video...

Aaron Leatherdale, an IHOP-KC rap artist recently made a music video and I was one of the extras... Here it is...

Alone...

What does it look like in this day and age to be alone with the Lord? I settle down with some tea, with my bedroom door closed, crank up Kim Walker's spontaneous songs, open my favorite bible passage and go for it. But am I really alone? I was reading today about the life of St. Anthony and how as a young man the Lord called him away to be alone with Him for 20 years. You want to know what he did? He went away to the desert with just the clothes on his back, no friends, no family, it was just him and the Lord. Doesn't it sound glorious? Not really. But he came out of that season so near to the heart of the Father, with such a deep communal relationship that the Lord used his life to minister to others in a powerful way.

This makes me think about how I get alone with God, the scenario I described above is missing one major element. Along with my bible and my tea and the music, I also drag this huge mass into my room, I try to stuff it in my closet so it can't distract me, but in all reality my closet is way to small to even close the door on it. The mass is a pile of thoughts, needs, desires and obligations: my friends, my family, the status of all my relationships both good and bad, my cell phone is right on top, along with all the phone calls I have to return and the text messages that I can't help but peek at, somewhere in there I have some unpaid bills, my work schedule, the guest that forgot to tip me last week, those nasty things the lady said to me at the grocery store, the guy I think is the bees knees and the wondering of what he thinks of me, the wrong things I said to my co-worker, what I'm going to eat for lunch, and every other little thing that is buried in my mind at the moment.

How can I really be alone with the Lord when the world makes such a demanding presence? How can I seek the Lord fully with everything around me screaming at me for attention? The other problem I run into is that I find it uncomfortable to be alone. It seems like anytime I have a free moment I'm trying to fill it with something, I have this deep, hidden fear of having nothing to do. So I pacify myself with phone calls, books, movies, work, food and so on. I think the value of St. Anthony's season alone with God lies in the unavoidable face time,the total dependence on the Lord for relationship and provision because in all reality there is nothing else and no one else to depend on. I can only imagine the level of vulnerability with the Lord he had that was borne out of the pain of loneliness, and despair at the vanilla of life. It is so easy for me to fill my schedule and call a friend when I need to connect with someone, but how often is it that the desire for relationship is actually the Lord seeking time with me and I fill my time with lesser pleasures. I've been seeking the Lord about what those things are that I've allowed to become a distraction, the little things in life that pacify me and keep me from pursuing the Lord with my whole heart.
Father, help me, teach me, lead me, I want so much more of You, increase my hunger for your presence, show me how to cut out the lesser pleasures in life in Jesus name.

Shiloh, a peaceful lake behind the prayer room...

Twister... not a fun game.

I spent an hour and a half today in the bathtub under the mattress from our futon with my roommate and a co-worker praying in tongues and reciting scripture as we waited for a twister to pass through our neighborhood. It is an eerie feeling when you first hear a tornado warning siren, it's almost like the world stops moving for a moment before you have to snap into action. Thank you Lord for your mercy on Kansas City! There were twelve tornado's that touched down in our area, but there was no serious damage and no one was hurt. Praise God!
Pray for Joplin, MO...

New work!

One of the fine dining restaurants that I had originally hoped to work at finally has an open server position! They hired me yesterday and I start in 2 weeks! Praise the Lord! Check out their website and menu.... www.bluestemkc.com

A Diary of New Orleans...

Strolling through the French Quarter of New Orleans! My friend Cynthia was a fantastic tour guide, we spent Tuesday evening discovering all the must see places in New Orleans!

We stopped to take lots of pictures...

This may have been one of the funniest sights...

And this one takes a close second....

I had Beignet's at Cafe Du Monde... ummm.... Three times. :)

We topped off the southern food experience with shrimp Po'Boys, gumbo and bread puddin' at Mother's which was also a pit stop on Man vs. Food.

I took this picture for you Daddy!

The architecture in the French Quarter was adorable...

With the occasional grand cathedral!

I also walked down bourbon street for memories sake.

I pretended to be an indian just because. :)

There were little boats and BIG boats...

And quaint little cubbies!

You can't go to Louisiana without seeing a gator!

There was a family of pink flamingo's!

I even made friends with a wee little elephant...

I went on a river cruise with the Soto's...

Guided by Captain Luis.

I spent a day relaxing at Ruah and even was treated with a facial!
It was a glorious time, I was so blessed by the Soto Family!

Goodbye New Orleans! Until next time!