I was in a music video...

Aaron Leatherdale, an IHOP-KC rap artist recently made a music video and I was one of the extras... Here it is...

Alone...

What does it look like in this day and age to be alone with the Lord? I settle down with some tea, with my bedroom door closed, crank up Kim Walker's spontaneous songs, open my favorite bible passage and go for it. But am I really alone? I was reading today about the life of St. Anthony and how as a young man the Lord called him away to be alone with Him for 20 years. You want to know what he did? He went away to the desert with just the clothes on his back, no friends, no family, it was just him and the Lord. Doesn't it sound glorious? Not really. But he came out of that season so near to the heart of the Father, with such a deep communal relationship that the Lord used his life to minister to others in a powerful way.

This makes me think about how I get alone with God, the scenario I described above is missing one major element. Along with my bible and my tea and the music, I also drag this huge mass into my room, I try to stuff it in my closet so it can't distract me, but in all reality my closet is way to small to even close the door on it. The mass is a pile of thoughts, needs, desires and obligations: my friends, my family, the status of all my relationships both good and bad, my cell phone is right on top, along with all the phone calls I have to return and the text messages that I can't help but peek at, somewhere in there I have some unpaid bills, my work schedule, the guest that forgot to tip me last week, those nasty things the lady said to me at the grocery store, the guy I think is the bees knees and the wondering of what he thinks of me, the wrong things I said to my co-worker, what I'm going to eat for lunch, and every other little thing that is buried in my mind at the moment.

How can I really be alone with the Lord when the world makes such a demanding presence? How can I seek the Lord fully with everything around me screaming at me for attention? The other problem I run into is that I find it uncomfortable to be alone. It seems like anytime I have a free moment I'm trying to fill it with something, I have this deep, hidden fear of having nothing to do. So I pacify myself with phone calls, books, movies, work, food and so on. I think the value of St. Anthony's season alone with God lies in the unavoidable face time,the total dependence on the Lord for relationship and provision because in all reality there is nothing else and no one else to depend on. I can only imagine the level of vulnerability with the Lord he had that was borne out of the pain of loneliness, and despair at the vanilla of life. It is so easy for me to fill my schedule and call a friend when I need to connect with someone, but how often is it that the desire for relationship is actually the Lord seeking time with me and I fill my time with lesser pleasures. I've been seeking the Lord about what those things are that I've allowed to become a distraction, the little things in life that pacify me and keep me from pursuing the Lord with my whole heart.
Father, help me, teach me, lead me, I want so much more of You, increase my hunger for your presence, show me how to cut out the lesser pleasures in life in Jesus name.

Shiloh, a peaceful lake behind the prayer room...

Twister... not a fun game.

I spent an hour and a half today in the bathtub under the mattress from our futon with my roommate and a co-worker praying in tongues and reciting scripture as we waited for a twister to pass through our neighborhood. It is an eerie feeling when you first hear a tornado warning siren, it's almost like the world stops moving for a moment before you have to snap into action. Thank you Lord for your mercy on Kansas City! There were twelve tornado's that touched down in our area, but there was no serious damage and no one was hurt. Praise God!
Pray for Joplin, MO...

New work!

One of the fine dining restaurants that I had originally hoped to work at finally has an open server position! They hired me yesterday and I start in 2 weeks! Praise the Lord! Check out their website and menu.... www.bluestemkc.com

A Diary of New Orleans...

Strolling through the French Quarter of New Orleans! My friend Cynthia was a fantastic tour guide, we spent Tuesday evening discovering all the must see places in New Orleans!

We stopped to take lots of pictures...

This may have been one of the funniest sights...

And this one takes a close second....

I had Beignet's at Cafe Du Monde... ummm.... Three times. :)

We topped off the southern food experience with shrimp Po'Boys, gumbo and bread puddin' at Mother's which was also a pit stop on Man vs. Food.

I took this picture for you Daddy!

The architecture in the French Quarter was adorable...

With the occasional grand cathedral!

I also walked down bourbon street for memories sake.

I pretended to be an indian just because. :)

There were little boats and BIG boats...

And quaint little cubbies!

You can't go to Louisiana without seeing a gator!

There was a family of pink flamingo's!

I even made friends with a wee little elephant...

I went on a river cruise with the Soto's...

Guided by Captain Luis.

I spent a day relaxing at Ruah and even was treated with a facial!
It was a glorious time, I was so blessed by the Soto Family!

Goodbye New Orleans! Until next time!

Road trip...

I am headed to New Orleans today! I'm so excited to see the south! I'm going home with my friends Andrea and Danny Soto for a week of rest before I jump into summer school. My roommates Emily and Traci are moving out today, so I will come home to an empty house.

Abiding and waiting...

One of the greatest battles I'm facing in my heart right now is keeping myself hidden and being satisfied with being a disciple of the Lord without feeling like I have to give something of myself to please Him. One of the greatest forces that has driven me in the past is the knowledge that the Lord is going to use me in a powerful way in His kingdom. Being faithful comes naturally when I have a vision of myself that is larger than life. It is so easy for me to step into service and put myself in a position where I can work my way up to a pedestal, but it has been the biggest challenge of my life to just abide in the vine without working to prove myself. I've struggled these past few months finding joy in the reality that when the Lord decides to release me into ministry whether large or small it HAS to be in His timing. Jesus wasn't even in ministry until He was thirty, how did He spend His time before that? I can picture Him as just another carpenter, in the "prime" of His youth, serving Joseph in the wood shop. After work He most likely spent His free time cultivating intimacy with the Father. There is nothing glorious about building furniture and spending every other waking minute as the weirdo who has time only for the secret place. It says in Luke 1:80 that John the Baptist spent his years before ministry in the wilderness and in that time he grew strong in spirit. The Lord appoints a time for each of us to grow, to strengthen us, to cultivate our hearts into maturity, to stretch us, to challenge us so that we may be fully prepared to faithfully withstand the challenges of being a light shining in the darkness. Who knows how long this season is for me... Whether it is 30 years or 5, I have to constantly pull on the grace of God to remain faithful in the mundane, in the small unsung days of the wilderness. It seems like everyday I have an opportunity to promote myself in some facet, I have to constantly keep my heart in check reminding myself of what I'm called to be in this season. Abide, wait, sit under the terebinth tree and rest... What is my aim? To have a worldwide prophetic ministry? To lead revivals in the furthest corners of the earth? To place orphans in homes? To proclaim freedom for the captives? No, that is my prayer, that is my burden, the plan that I want to see the Lord carry out, but my aim is to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, to carry the torch of the fear of the Lord and to live my life as a pleasing sacrifice with fragrances reaching the throne room of heaven.

prayer...

Prayer is as vast as God because He is behind it. Prayer is as mighty as God because He has committed to answer it. If God doesn't illuminate us in the prayer closet, we walk in darkness. At the judgement seat of Christ the most embarrassing thing a believer faces will be the smallness of his praying...
The potency of prayer hath subdued the strength of fire; it hath bridled the rage of lions, hushed anarchy to rest, extinguished wars, appeased the elements, expelled demons, burst the chains of death, expanded the gates of heaven, assuaged demons, repelled frauds, rescued cities from destruction, stayed the sun in it's course and arrested the progress of the thunderbolt. Prayer is an all-sufficient panoply, a treasure undiminished, a mine which is never exhausted, a sky unobscured by clouds, a heaven unruffled by storm. It is the root, the fountain, the mother of a thousand blessings. -from Why Revival Tarries by Leonard Ravenhill

He must increase and I must decrease....

I have a newfound fascination with biographies... This past month I've read two, "Heavenly Man" by Brother Yun and "A Chance to Die" by Elisabeth Elliot. While reading both books I wanted to cry, scream and at times travail for the state of my heart and for the sleeping church of the west. Brother Yun endured some of the most grotesque persecution for his faith I've ever heard of... with joy. And the Lord used him to shape the church on the continent of Asia. How much would you or I endure for our faith, to protect our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Since reading his story I have been so convicted about negativity and dissatisfaction with my life. It's amazing all that I have taken for granted and grown familiar with... I have four bibles and a concordance on my nightstand right now, brother Yun had to bury his lest he die. I tire of reading my bible after an hour, brother Yun memorized the gospels because he wanted to always carry them with him. Father, change my heart! Teach me to fear You, give me an unquenchable hunger for your word, break the Spirit of apathy off of my heart and mind in Jesus name. Purify my heart Jesus, have mercy on me, set a fire in my heart again. I ask for the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of You in the name of Jesus.
The Lord worked many miracles in brother Yun's life, when asked about it this is what he said, "He will never pour out His blessing on unsanctified and selfish flesh. The cross of Jesus must be at the center of everything we do. Are you really willing to give your ALL to God and to His service? If you do these things you will see revival. Many people have asked me why we see so many signs and wonders in China, but people don't really see them in the west. In the west you have so much. You have insurance for everything and in a way you don't NEED God. When my father was dying of stomach cancer we sold everything we had to try to cure him. When everything was gone, we had no hope but God. We turned to Him and in His mercy He healed my father. We reasoned that if God could do that, He could do anything, so our faith grew. In China, the greatest miracles we see are lives transformed by the gospel. We believe we are not called to follow signs and wonders, but instead the signs and wonders follow us when the gospel is preached. We don't keep our eyes on the signs and wonders, we keep our eyes on Jesus."
One of the most provoking facts about the Chinese church is the fact that when they send someone out to preach the gospel, they not only take up an offering and empty their pockets but they go home and sell all they have to invest in the furthering of the gospel in China.
I want to lay down my life and all I have for Jesus, I don't want to focus on signs and wonders and glory in the growth of my ministry, I want to see Jesus exalted. This is something that I've stumbled in before, Father, give me grace to lay myself down, to become poor in spirit. Help me to love you more, help me to live my life as a pleasing sacrifice to You.

Newest news....

Greetings from Kansas City, MO! These past few weeks have been a whirlwind, when I got back from spring break I saw my work schedule and I was scheduled for 40 hours a week and it couldn't be changed until the next schedule came out. That meant working until 11pm every night and waking up at 4:30 am as well as doubles on the weekend. I have been praying for financial provision to pay for summer classes and throughout that crazy time I was able to save almost enough. Praise God! On top of that, He gave me the grace to work a 40 hour work week in a high stress job, and also the grace to give 100% to my classes at IHOPU.  Amen! He is so good! This week was my first week of normal schedule so I've been catching up with everything from cleaning the bathroom to correspondence with everyone back home. :)
In two weeks we will be finished with the first semester. :( After this semester I will have logged over 500 hours in the prayer room, I still can't believe what a privilege it is to be able to dedicate so much of my time to cultivating intimacy with the Lord. I'm so grateful! This semester we studied the book of Revelation and the role of the church in the end times, Intercession and the praying church, Song of Songs (whew!), Jesus the bridegroom God, and the Life and ministry of a Forerunner. We also had a practicum on prayer, fasting and being faithful in the little.
I feel like the Lord is leading me to stay and do the Summer Early Entry Program, which is a summer fast track program that will put me in my 2nd year next fall. It's so sad to see most of my classmates leave for the summer, but I do get to ride home with one of my friends to spend a couple of days in New Orleans, I'm very excited to see that part of the country.
A couple of months ago some of my classmates and I decided to start praying together and for one another after class on Wednesdays. It makes me smile so huge to think of the mercy and grace that the Lord has poured out on our little gathering. He meets us every week in a completely different way, many times it begins with open repentance and then prayer for our generation on that matter. Every week someone has gotten delivered from something major in their past. This past Wed it began with one of the girls repenting for having the wrong view of men, and then the men repented for having the wrong view of women(we went into specifics) and we all prayed for the Lord to purify our hearts and the hearts of our generation. It was so intense. I had a picture of Jesus during this time going to each one of us and tenderly and lovingly washing our feet. While we were interceding one of my girlfriends started lamenting so we started praying for her and we found out later that the Lord was delivering her from hatred toward a man who had sexually abused her as a child. God is so good! I love how he will move on our hearts corporately to set someone free! We always break bread together as well so it's a very sweet time. It is probably my favorite part of my week.
Jesus is so good, I hope you are falling more and more in love with him every day! I miss you all so much and you are on my heart and in my prayers daily.