Abiding and waiting...

One of the greatest battles I'm facing in my heart right now is keeping myself hidden and being satisfied with being a disciple of the Lord without feeling like I have to give something of myself to please Him. One of the greatest forces that has driven me in the past is the knowledge that the Lord is going to use me in a powerful way in His kingdom. Being faithful comes naturally when I have a vision of myself that is larger than life. It is so easy for me to step into service and put myself in a position where I can work my way up to a pedestal, but it has been the biggest challenge of my life to just abide in the vine without working to prove myself. I've struggled these past few months finding joy in the reality that when the Lord decides to release me into ministry whether large or small it HAS to be in His timing. Jesus wasn't even in ministry until He was thirty, how did He spend His time before that? I can picture Him as just another carpenter, in the "prime" of His youth, serving Joseph in the wood shop. After work He most likely spent His free time cultivating intimacy with the Father. There is nothing glorious about building furniture and spending every other waking minute as the weirdo who has time only for the secret place. It says in Luke 1:80 that John the Baptist spent his years before ministry in the wilderness and in that time he grew strong in spirit. The Lord appoints a time for each of us to grow, to strengthen us, to cultivate our hearts into maturity, to stretch us, to challenge us so that we may be fully prepared to faithfully withstand the challenges of being a light shining in the darkness. Who knows how long this season is for me... Whether it is 30 years or 5, I have to constantly pull on the grace of God to remain faithful in the mundane, in the small unsung days of the wilderness. It seems like everyday I have an opportunity to promote myself in some facet, I have to constantly keep my heart in check reminding myself of what I'm called to be in this season. Abide, wait, sit under the terebinth tree and rest... What is my aim? To have a worldwide prophetic ministry? To lead revivals in the furthest corners of the earth? To place orphans in homes? To proclaim freedom for the captives? No, that is my prayer, that is my burden, the plan that I want to see the Lord carry out, but my aim is to love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, to carry the torch of the fear of the Lord and to live my life as a pleasing sacrifice with fragrances reaching the throne room of heaven.