For one of my class finals I had to create a website. The result was a far superior blog compared to this one. :/ Therefore, I have decided to abandon this site and use the other one in lieu. You are welcome to visit me there at memoirsofaforerunner.wordpress.com

On that site you will find some awesome devotional posts on the book of Hebrews (my assignment).

Bye.

Thankful, hopeful...

Well, I am officially a junior in the Forerunner School of Ministry. This week has been a crazy journey of good and terrible at the same time. I am really looking forward to my classes, my times in the word and in the prayer room but at the same time, completely overwhelmed by the course load coupled with full time work. Lord, give me grace!

I was in my practicum introduction yesterday and our leaders of the House of Prayer Leadership track were casting their vision for our training. We will basically be immersed in planting a student house of prayer and leading Encounter God services once a week throughout the semester. Grouped into teams of people, we will be assigned roles according to our gifts and starting a house of prayer. This is exactly what I came here for, to grow and be stretched in ministering to people, learning how to build praying communities from the ground up among the nations. After spending 2 years on the sidelines it has become really easy just to go with the flow, unnoticed. Comfortable, rather. The idea of being seen or being vulnerable in such a way is utterly terrifying to me! I was sitting in class yesterday, excited about the opportunity to grow and at the same time experiencing so much fear and anxiety that I felt like throwing up. I wanted to drop out immediately!

When I got home, I decided to lay out a fleece before the Lord. I asked Him that if He wanted me to be in school, as scary as it is, to allow me to sleep peacefully through the night, I haven’t slept through the night in 2 weeks. I have been operating on 2-3 hours of sleep per night because of the anxious feelings I’ve been experiencing. I woke up this morning peacefully after one of the hardest sleeps I’ve had in my life, I didn’t wake up once. I guess you can say that the Lord wants me to be in school. :) This semester will be extremely challenging and stretching for me, I feel like my confidence level is at a 0 right now. What better of an opportunity to see the Lord’s strength and glory manifested though, right? I am weak but He is strong and more than able to take my insecurity and failure and make it beautiful and good. 

Thankful.

Why am I still here!?

I finished school here in May. Or did I? Why am I still here!?

I have no idea why, but I have had the hardest time letting this semester start without me being in class. All summer I have been wrestling with the should I or shouldn't I's of continuing school and it seems that every time I make a decision, I start all over at the beginning of the wrestle.

IHOPU re-adjourns on Monday and this week the battle that has been raging in my mind was set on jet-speed. I don't know why I haven't been able to have peace in letting it go. At the same time, I have been coveting my free time like a chipmunk storing up nuts for the winter. After spending the last two years with no free seconds to rub together hardly, I was more than ready to be done in May. Burnt out.

I really have no reason to go to school other than the fact that it would be a great opportunity to continue growing in the word in ways that I can't on my own. Not to mention that it is convenient that all of my friends are continuing and I would feel like I've been left in the dust with no legitimate reason to quit.

Needless to say, I haven't slept all week and school starts in about 36 hours. :/

JESUS!!!!!

Life....or something like it.

Sometimes life twists in ways that are surprising. I hate that feeling of aimlessness, where what you are pursuing in life seems mediocre at best and you find yourself being exactly that person you said you would never be. I've never been good at mediocrity or boredom and I will kick and scream all day about aimlessness. But here I am, summer came, almost went and I did a lot of quiet time and cooking and cleaning and homemaking and... that's it. With all that, I was mostly lonely. It is so difficult to make time and spend time with people when everyone is pursuing purpose and meaning at 369 miles an hour. So instead of meeting with people and friends, I met with the Lord for hours everyday.

I've been asked, "What was the Lord speaking to you about? How awesome was that?!?!"

I wouldn't exactly say that He gave me intense prophetic revelation or encountered me with the fullness of His glory in person but I just spent the summer enjoying Him, savoring friendship and doing life with Him. It was so peaceful and surprising. As you may have discovered, I am an extremist. I never do anything halfway, I jump full force into life oftentimes without thinking about where I am to jump. So the discovery that the Lord sometimes just wants to take a break from intensity to just rest and be, was a mind blowing concept for me. Pursuing greatness and revival and seeing heaven invade earth brings joy to His heart and just as much, He is delighted by my abiding time.

After being at home with all things familiar and fun, coming back to little old Grandview, MO was a bit overwhelming. It was so nice to be home where I know and am known, where relationships are long and meaningful and where I'm surrounded by people who know what makes me tick. I came back to this sea of people in a mega ministry where thousands of people seek a charismatic Christian mecca and race to be the one who pursues the Lord with the most passion(this is my personal estimation anyways). I got swallowed up to say the least. I know I don't need friendships to sustain my heart but the Lord is teaching me(much slower than I'd like I might add) to truly be filled by His friendship to the point where all other relationships are bonus blessings. He is the true source, He is the only One who can fill that void of relationship in a healthy, non-codependent way. I am growing through this, by the grace of God.

My house....

Here are some pictures of my house!

My garden!

Here is a little picture of my garden!

The day the neighborhood saw my underwear...

The other day I was planting my garden... If you know me well, you understand that when I get something in my head I run full speed into the idea throwing caution to the wind. On this day last week, I suddenly had the urge to plant a garden. I must say, I looked really cute that day, I had my hair all done up and I was wearing this nice, big skirted, flowing dress. I somehow managed to hoe the whole garden, pull up all the weeds, scratch up the soil and gingerly plant all of my treasures without getting my dress coated in grime. My hands however, were coated in all sorts of mud and yuck so I went to wash up in the house. To my dismay, my roommates had come home and locked the house on their way out! I was stuck outside!

Suddenly, I remembered that a few days before I had found a spider on something and was so entirely freaked out that I had opened up the window, pulled out the screen and thrown the object out onto the roof. :) That window must still be unlocked!?!?! I climbed up the side of the house via the chain link fence, neglecting to lock the gate on the way up. Unfortunately, ALL the windows into the house from the roof were locked tight so I decided to make my way down. But, the gate I hadn't locked in all of its swingingness was IMPOSSIBLE to climb down onto... Smart move, Korynne.

My only option was to jump off the roof. Thoughts of both of my legs breaking in two raced through my mind as I prepared to jump.

And then it happened, I sailed through the air and it was glorious. But I was in a dress! The nice, flowing type, remember? The whole thing went over my head like a parachute that couldn't catch the wind... As I flew through the air, I wondered if there was anyone around to see my underwear. And then I landed on all fours in the grass with my dress over my head. Embarrassing.

That is something I would've done when I was 10 years old, but at 25?

The lesson I learned was twofold, never should one garden in a nice dress and even more importantly, one should NEVER CLIMB UP TO A ROOF IN A DRESS.

Thoughts for today...

The past two weeks have been full of work, hard work but the fun and adventuresome type. I moved in to a beautiful old house with a ton of character and so much potential... It has beautiful wooden detail work and wood floors throughout the whole house, romantic fireplaces and the cute type of windows that you always wish you could have in your house. And... can we just talk about the stinking kitchen! It is gloriously enormous! And it is all updated with new appliances, nicely tiled floors and granite countertops. My heart is to make this a community house for young women, a safe haven to know and be known as well as a home where we can propel each other into the deeper things of God.

When I moved in, this house was a WRECK! I mean, an absolute beautiful mess! For example, there is a really cute sunroom in the back side of the house, I plan on turning it into a little prayer and worship room but it was used as a storage room for a few years. In that little sunroom alone I pulled out 10 bags of trash! Not to mention all the random items that are still in the garage waiting to be claimed. Everyday I have picked a room to spend the day cleaning and organizing. I even cleaned out the flower beds and planted a small garden. Last week I finally hit that mark where I could take a deep breath and say.... "Now I can call this home!"

As I was cleaning this beautiful home, I saw it as a picture of how the Lord deals with us. He knits us together so tenderly, with so much creativity and joy in our mother's womb. As we learn and grow we allow the enemy to come through our choices, circumstances and culture and flub everything up with his trash and muck and dirt. The goal of the enemy is to steal, kill and destroy every ounce of promise and beauty possible. He does a good job, sometimes we have to dig really deep beyond the surface of our hearts to find an ounce of hope. But, if we open our hearts to the Lord and allow all of that muck and junk to be exposed to Him, He will come with more tenderness, with more joy and excitement than you can imagine and clean out those broken and dirty places. He knows the beauty He placed there, He sees beyond all the crap, all the pain, all the bitterness and sorrow. He is more than willing to restore those rooms of our hearts if only we are willing, if only we can come to that place where we surrender and acknowledge our need for Him to make the wrong things right.

Sometimes I look at my heart, see the darkness and want to give up... I absolutely despise my tendency to have a bad attitude when I don't get my way. Or worse yet, my ability to manipulate situations to get what I want, sometimes I just feel gross about the way I respond to people. My heart is SO DARK! What I love about the Lord though is that He sees beyond the darkness because He made me, He already knows the potential that He placed there Himself and He is committed to drawing it out. I am dark but He sees the lovely! Oh, what a privilege! To be seen as lovely by the Creator of the universe!!!

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn of many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified!
Romans 8:28-30

 I am setting my eyes on the things above, and relying on His restoration power to bring me into fullness of LIFE in Him!

I am THANKFUL for His grace today!

A really, really fun and encouraging dream...

A dear friend dreamt of me this week and it really blessed me, it goes as follows....


In my dream, it was your wedding day.  The ceremony was taking place at my old church in Seattle - Christ Church Kirkland.  I remember entering the foyer and seeing you standing there in your gown, getting ready to make your entrance.  The gown was completely made of lace and had long sleeves (it actually reminded me of the dress my grandmother was married  in in the 50's) and you had your hair down and a veil on.  Then, you took a flask of oil and dumped it over your head!  I thought it strange at first, but then I realized you were anointing yourself in preparation for your nuptials.  You were flushed and seemed a bit nervous, but mostly excited.

Then I am sitting in the church watching you walk down the aisle.  You walk down alone, smiling the whole way.  I look at the other end and see your groom waiting for you - he is smiling as well.  (Don't remember any clear details about the groom's physical appearance other than he had dark hair and maybe a beard)  I also remember knowing that the groom's name was Steve. 

As you continued to come down the aisle, nearing the front of the sanctuary, there was a sudden change in the atmosphere.  Up until now, it had been a happy but fairly somber event.  All of a sudden, coming up behind you was the craziest wedding procession I have ever seen!  It was like a circus - trapeze artists, people juggling on unicycles, acrobats, dancers, clowns - everyone wearing brightly colored clothing and top hats (reminiscent of the Mad Hatter's tea party in Alice in Wonderland).  After exchanging vows, you were escorted out by your crazy processional in an explosion of color and movement!  I remember thinking that I'd never in my life seen a wedding quite like that.

So - as far as interpretation goes - here's what came to mind.  I feel like this whole dream is really more of a picture of your relationship with the Lord and the journey you've been on with Him over the last few years.  When you left for IHOP, it reminds me of you standing there in your wedding dress, anointing yourself with oil.  You were already consecrated to the Lord, but you were wanting to go deeper with him. I feel like the time you've dedicated to seeking the Lord at IHOP is like you anointing yourself with oil, preparing to enter the "holy of holies."  

Then came the actual wedding.  Now, as you know, my dad and brother are both named Steve so I happen to know that the name Steve means "Crowned One" - essentially, it means a Prince.  I feel that this was a dream about you becoming "married" to the Lord - entering into a whole new level of intimacy with him.  As I was praying about it, the Lord spoke to me about the how something changes in a woman when she gets married - she becomes safe and secure in the arms of her husband; confident in who she is and how deeply she is loved; intimate in a way that she has never before experienced.  Women are created to be protected and loved, so there is something about the safety of a committed married relationship that allows a woman to be completely free in who she is.  All these things, I believe, is where you are headed with the Lord in this next season of life.  

Then there was the circus entourage - so crazy!  To me, that was just a clear picture of the wildness and unpredictability of our Lord.  :)  We all have a tendency to put Jesus in a box - to take his wonderfully uncomplicated love and nature and make it super serious and full of about a bazillion rules - to "church-ify" him.  Even the fact that you started out the wedding very traditionally - modest old-school lace gown, walking down the aisle with quiet music playing softly - and then were suddenly interrupted by all the craziness!  I felt like He was saying, "I'm not as serious as you think!"  Yes, he is holy and mighty and amazing.  But he is also fun and full of color and life!   I feel like the word "unpredictable" is key - there may come a season (and soon), where He leads you in a direction you did not anticipate.  But fear not!  It will be more full of life and joy than you could ever imagine.  I think He's going to blow your mind, actually.  :)

All of this is reminiscent to me of the verse out of Isaiah 62 (which I've included below).  

ISAIAH 62:2-5

The nations will see your vindication,
    and all kings your glory;
you will be called by a new name 
    that the mouth of the Lord will bestow.
³ You will be a crown of splendor in the Lord’s hand,
    a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
⁴ No longer will they call you Deserted, 
    or name your land Desolate. 
But you will be called Hephzibah (My delight is in her);
    and your land Beulah (Married);
for the Lord will take delight in you,
    and your land will be married. 
⁵ As a young man marries a young woman,
    so will your Builder marry you;
as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride,
    so will your God rejoice over you.

Abba, what do you see?

Abba, what did You see

In this lump of clay

That You wanted me and formed me this way?

What do You see in me Lord, that You don't despise me?

There is a dream in Your heart,

There is joy in Your eyes,

When on the Potters wheel

The right amount of pressure You give,

To bring forth a vessel of honor,

To show forth Your beauty,

To pour forth Your glory...

So I surrender to Your hand,

Let there be no resistance in me to Your plan,

Into Your hands I commit my spirit.

I won't despise in my life,

That which makes me lean upon You,

Your strength is perfected in my weakness...

So I say yes to Your ways!

I may be sincere, but I am not mature

Until I'm tested and found with patience...

Lord, I just want to be one that brings You glory!

My life is Yours not my own!

So Abbe, I accept Your plan in my life,

I trust You because as I stand on Your love

And on Your mercy, I won't be moved!

Keep me steady and going after Your heart!

Something I've been meditating on...

As I was reading in the book of Matthew the other day, I came across chapter 8 where the disciples were tossed about in the boat in the storm. The story goes as follows...

"Suddenly, a fierce storm struck the lake, with waves breaking into the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him up, shouting, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” Jesus responded, “Why are you afraid? You have so little faith!” Then he got up and rebuked the wind and waves, and suddenly there was a great calm. The disciples were amazed. “Who is this man?” they asked. “Even the winds and waves obey him!”" Matthew 8:24-27

The first time I read it, my heart came into agreement with Jesus as He corrected them for their weak faith. I thought, DON"T THEY KNOW THAT HE IS THE LORD OF THE UNIVERSE!?!?!? Didn't they just witness Him healing paralytics, blind men and raising people from the dead? How can they be shocked when He calmed a stinkin' storm!!! And then Holy Spirit struck a chord in my heart, do I really know that He is the Lord of the universe? How many times have I been utterly shocked when He breaks in to my life in miraculous ways? I can tell people until I am blue in the face about how Jesus is the miracle worker but as soon as He breaks through in my life, I am amazed! Wow, I am of little faith. Jesus, give me the gift of faith to believe wholeheartedly all that is unseen and inconceivable.

Jesus is such a great listener...

I was sitting here in the prayer room today asking the Lord for direction and confirmation that what He has been placing on my heart is really Him and not just me coming up with what I think are good ideas. If you know me well, you know that I have lots of great ideas but often lack the gumption to follow through with them. Well, I was sitting in the prayer room and this guy walked up to me with a prophetic word.
Here goes...

I felt like the Lord says that He created you to shepherd, I don't know if that means you are to be a pastor or not but I felt like He specifically is calling you to pour into other people and challenge them to grow, propelling them into their callings. I feel like the Lord is specifically highlighting Jeremiah 23:3-4.

 “But I will gather the remnant of My flock out of all countries where I have driven them, and bring them back to their folds; and they shall be fruitful and increase. I will set up shepherds over them who will feed them; and they shall fear no more, nor be dismayed, nor shall they be lacking,” says the Lord.

I see you as an encourager where the Lord uses you to come alongside people and lead them to greater depths in Him. I don't know if you feel a witness in your spirit in that respect, He could be highlighting something for the future or...

HOW ABOUT THE LAST FEW MONTHS?!?! LOL!
Jesus is such a good friend, when I ask Him for confirmation about something, He gives it because He loves me. I am so blessed by His love! Thank you Lord!

Community building....

I have come to realize over the past year and a half how beautiful and special Walla Walla is in the sense of Christian community building. Rightfully so, Eden Kietponglert and a few others have truly labored and pioneered community building in a magnificent way. I think that it is essential for us to have seasons of testing and solitude where the Lord takes us to the end of ourselves, exposing the darkness and co-dependence that we like to pretend isn’t there. But the Lord created us for fellowship, with Him first and secondly with fellow believers, not the other way around. I have been wandering through a God ordained season of solitude where I have labored for close relationship with people only to see the Lord draw them away to pursue their calling. It has been painfully lonely at times but Jesus has always been by my side as the ultimate friend and encourager. My biggest battle has been actually trusting him and looking to Him as a friend when I’m feeling that longing for deep relationship. I hate it, but it is a process and He has been teaching me so much about my heart and my unhealthy need for people to fill areas of my heart that are meant only for Him. Praise God! My closest IHOP friend and roommate is moving home for good this month and I am grieved at the knowledge that there will be such distance in our relationship, but the Lord in His faithfulness has stirred my heart to collaborate with some other young women to start a community house!

This semester we have been studying the book of Acts in class and Jesus has downloaded some vision about His heart for community. My heart is so weak and my pursuit of the Lord is lacking without being intentionally spurred on by others. I need to be discipled, held accountable and charged daily to pursue my calling! Here is a general layout of what the Lord has put on my heart (partially inspired by the Red Roof House, holla back ladies!) 

The church in the Book of Acts was charged by Jesus as He ascended into His heavenly place to “be witnesses to Him in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria and to the ends of the earth,” after they received the power of the Holy Spirit. We all have been commissioned by Jesus to preach the gospel with boldness in our own unique way and He has placed an echo into each of our hearts by His Spirit that draws us into our calling. In our community I want to the girls to partner with me and me with them in picking up those things the Lord has placed in us and running together, seeing the Lord’s glory manifest on earth in each unique calling. Sometimes doing what the Lord puts on my heart is scary and potentially embarrassing, but I need that push from people who I know care about my heart and care deeply about my calling enough to propel me into it. 

The early church pursued the place of prayer daily, intentionally and in one accord! A prayer meeting began shortly after Jesus’ ascension (Acts 1:13-14) and ended after seven days with a history making Spiritual outpouring! I want to have prayer meetings that bring people together in unity and end with the Lord pouring out His Spirit in powerful ways. They also had specified times of prayer (Acts 3:1) which I believe needs to be emulated in our own community. I just want to take a minute to honor the intercessors at Life Church in Walla Walla for their faithfulness in the place of prayer, they have inspired me and encouraged me to pursue a life of prayer. I want to be challenged to grow in intercession and asked how I am spending my times in prayer and be held accountable by the girls in my house.

In tandem with receiving the power of the Holy Spirit, the church in Acts performed signs and wonders everywhere they went (Acts 2:43, 3:2-10,5:16) ! The salvation and the faith of many was due to the witness of the Spirit in the lives of the Apostles. We will not see signs and wonders manifest in our lives if we aren’t actually praying for people to be healed. I want to be challenged daily to step out of my comfort zone and actually pray for people to be healed, and see people set free in body, mind and soul! Jesus longs to partner with us in this way and reveal His glory to the unsaved, but oftentimes we are unfaithful in the anointing that He has already given us. I want to partner with these girls to see heaven invade earth!

Another pattern I see repeated often among the disciples is the daily breaking of bread (Acts 2:42-47). In my own life, I see this translated as not only enjoying fellowship, and meals together but also pursuing a pure heart in repentance and communion with one another. A few years ago I was reading about the slavery abolitionists who the Lord used in powerful ways to free the slaves in the United States. One aspect of their community lifestyle that has always stuck with me was that they humbled themselves in repentance DAILY! The Lord worked signs and wonders through them because they were empty vessels. This is exactly what I want to emulate as I live in community.

Also, the early church gave themselves to the Apostles teaching(Acts 2:42). We are so blessed to have not only the written word that we can dive into, but we also have full access to Godly wisdom that has been passed down from generation to generation. A practical way that I feel like the Lord wants to see this implemented in community is through personal study of the word, receiving personal revelation through the Holy Spirit and taking turns during our fellowship times sharing what the Lord is showing us in His word. This will require me to continuously go deeper in the word and having community to spur me on and challenge me to grow is the accountability I need for my personal life in God.

The early Apostles were persecuted time and time again (Acts 12, 14:19) and although we may not be persecuted exactly as they were, we all go through trials, struggles and hardships. While living in community, we can constantly encourage one another to look to the Lord in these moments because He is truly where our help comes from. I want to be partnered with in finding rest in the place of worship amidst my most fiery trials!

This is my rough draft, preliminary brainstorming outline of what I feel the Lord is leading me into. I will keep you posted about how He is leading us in walking it out!

Current things on my mind...

I graduate in 25 days with 2 years of Theological Studies at IHOPU! This season has gone by so fast, I feel as if I have barely blinked and now it is nearly gone! It is so funny how life is! I feel like Isaiah says it so appropriately, “All flesh is grass, and all its loveliness is like the flower of the field, the grass withers, the flower fades, because the breath of the Lord blows upon it; surely the people are grass” Isaiah 40:6-7. Life itself is so short and so fleeting and so temporary in the eyes of the Lord, yet He is the one that plants, He is the one that waters and He is the one that grows us to be the fragrance, the beauty and the richness of the earth in our assigned season. I am blown away by the magnitude and the sovereignty of the Lord! One of my teachers noted in class this week and it has stuck with me ever since, “Did you know that the Lord feeds you?” He provides the rain that grows the food that we enjoy everyday, He gives, He takes away, He upholds, the solitary reason that we live and we breathe is that He wills it. 

As I look onward to the next chapter in my life I am thankful, His grace has been sufficient, I haven’t gone with my needs unmet, He has protected me, provided for me, sowed into my heart in so many rich ways and I can’t help but dwell on the fact that I am  so undeserving of it all and so grateful for His tenderness. He loves me and that is the sole motivation of His heart, my actions and my pursuits are entirely irrelevant to His plan for me. He is so, so good! 

I really appreciate all of your prayer and encouragement! I feel peace to move forward into visiting Casa Bernabe in Guatemala City this fall to see if the Lord moves my heart to stay there long term. I received word this week that there is a woman building a house of prayer nearby and she needs people who will partner with the Lord’s vision of establishing night and day prayer for Guatemala. That is a potential connection for me as well so I am very excited about the possibility of serving the Lord there. At the same time, I want to be where the Lord wants me to be so if none of these doors that I am knocking on fully open then I am excited for the even better door that He will open wide for me in His timing.

In the meantime, I am moving in with some amazing girls in June to start a discipleship community house inspired by my years in the Red Roof House. I am looking forward to living in community again for a season as I await clear direction from the Lord.

Homework and such...

Spring break was rough. With all of my Kansas City friends off on adventures, I was here, working, reading, enjoying some extra sleep. By the end of the week I got super lonely though, not because I spent the week by myself, I actually enjoyed that aspect. I came to the realization that in a few short months these people that I have run with for the past year and a half will scurry off in pursuit of their future calling and I will be left to start at ground zero in building community, again. It is a bit overwhelming to think about. But, I trust the Lord to meet every single one of my needs. He promises in Psalm 68 that He sets the solitary in families, I am definitely leaning on that promise right now.

I thought I would make you all a little bit jealous  about the homework I have in one of my classes... This week our homework list is as follows:

-Read Pages 1-41 of "Foolishness to the Greeks" by Lesslie Newbigin


-Read Chapters 1&2 of "The Ministry of Intercessory Prayer" by Andrew Murray


-Complete days 1-5 of the School of Intercession in the back of Murray's book


-Read out loud, Isaiah 6:1-8, Revelation 4, Revelation 21-22:
-Tues
-Wed
-Thurs
-Mon


-Spend an hour reviewing each set of notes:
-Tues
-Thurs


-Sing the Psalms for 30 Minutes:
-Tues
-Wed
-Thurs
-Mon

Where else do I get to do homework like that? I am blessed! :)

Happenings and things...

I have been running nonstop since January, but a good running it has been. :) Midway through January I realized that I have become far too immersed in introspection, although it is a natural byproduct of studying the bible all day, everyday, it is quiet tormenting to the heart and soul. The best way I've learned to keep from focusing on ME is to start thinking about someone else. I started serving the poor and the lost at IHOP-KC's inner city ministry called "Hope City" at the end of January as a portion of my practicum and when we moved on in the rotation, I continued to serve. When I hang out in the slums of the inner city with the people who live on the streets and in the poorest neighborhoods, the drug dealers and those that give them job security, my heart comes alive! I have helped in the kitchen and subbed as a singer on a worship team and helped with both of the kids programs. Every week my heart breaks for those kids who have experienced more pain and hardship in their young age than I have in my 25 years of life. I want them to experience the freedom of Christ in their own hearts and see them believe in faith for their families to be set free from addiction and demonic influence. I have decided to focus on helping with the children's ministry at Hope City because I know that long term the Lord has given me vision to minister to youth at risk.

In the next couple of months I will be completing two years of bible school here at IHOPU. When I moved here, my goal was to finish two years of school and I was sure that by then the Lord would have all the doors wide open  (insert angelic crescendo here) with glowing arrows pointing me in the way He wants me to go. But, He has not. I do have peace remaining here in Kansas City, but then there is a part of me that is so excited about the next stage of my journey.

I have come to realize that when the Lord releases me from here I can literally go anywhere. Anywhere in the world! I get so caught up in fear of making the wrong move or missing my calling or not being ready that I forget that the Lord puts the desires of His heart on my heart, it is not just me, those pangs of desire are an invitation for me to partner with His heart. All of my life I have pictured myself in a particular stage of life and at a specific state of heart before I would be sent to make disciples. But, I have been sifting through those presuppositions, asking the Lord what His standards and prerequisites are. I didn't realize that I had placed on myself this restriction of only being able to follow  my husband into ministry. I don't know if it is fear related or if it harkens back to my tendency to disqualify myself, probably both, but the Lord is blowing up all of my expectations. For the first time in my life, I don't care about going by myself and I never thought I would feel this way, ever. My heart is crying out "here I am, send me" and I don't have the echo in my mind that says "after I am married." At the moment I am even content to be single for life. Praise the Lord! I want Him to remove every one of my self imposed parameters.

The Lord has blessed me by my job so much, it is ridiculous! We were nominated again for a James Beard award and made the top 100 list for best service nationwide. A couple of the servers moved away and I have worked my way up in senority which makes better shifts available to me. The Lord is so good! He also has been opening up doors for me to build relationship with a couple of my co-workers. I am believing for their salvation and an outpouring of His Spirit on Bluestem!

Click here to watch a video of Bluestem!

Dance your way through the desert...

But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Oftentimes we focus on the glories, but how often do we think about the in between times, the seemingly endless seasons between the glories? The desert season.

What does it mean to be in a desert season? Webster’s Dictionary defines the word desert as arid land with usually sparse vegetation; especially such land having a very warm climate and receiving sporadic rainfall, an area apparently devoid of life, a wild uninhabited and uncultivated tract, a desolate or forbidding area (lost in a desert of doubt.)  In my experience I would describe a spiritual desert season or valley as a time of intense longing or hunger for the Lord to break into an area of need, the in-between, transitional period between glory and glory. The time when all that is beautiful and life giving is stripped away and you are left with the reality of who you are without the veneer or the “anointing”. Sometimes we hear it described as a valley, a wilderness, John of the cross named it the dark night of the soul, Job, King David and Moses described it as a time of affliction.

And when we cried unto the LORD God of our fathers, the LORD heard our voice, and looked on our affliction, and our labour, and our oppression. Deuteronomy 26:7

My eye wastes away because of affliction. LORD, I have called daily upon You; I have stretched out my hands to You. Psalm 88:9

"And now my soul is poured out because of my [plight]; The days of affliction take hold of me.” Job 30:16

One of my favorite authors Oswald Chambers says so wisely, “We have all experienced times of exaltation on the mountain, when we have seen things from God’s perspective and have wanted to stay there. But God will never allow us to stay there. The true test of our spiritual life is in exhibiting the power to descend from the mountain. If we only have the power to go up, something is wrong. It is a wonderful thing to be on the mountain with God, but a person only gets there so that he may later go down and lift up the demon-possessed people in the valley (see Mark 9:14-18). We are not made for the mountains, for sunrises, or for the other beautiful attractions in life— those are simply intended to be moments of inspiration. We are made for the valley and the ordinary things of life, and that is where we have to prove our stamina and strength. Yet our spiritual selfishness always wants repeated moments on the mountain. We feel that we could talk and live like perfect angels, if we could only stay on the mountaintop. Those times of exaltation are exceptional and they have their meaning in our life with God, but we must beware to prevent our spiritual selfishness from wanting to make them the only time. In actual fact, it is to be turned into something even better than teaching, namely, character. The moments on the mountaintop are rare moments, and they are meant for something in God’s purpose.

How many times have I kicked and screamed in objection to the spiritually dry seasons because I am not encountering the Lord the way I want? Oswald Chambers blew my ego out of the water, we are made for the valley?!?!?! Everything in me wants to revolt at this! Are we not made as lamps of the glory of God? Yes! But nowhere does it say that in order to bear the glory of God we have to be on the mountain top. 

 Desert seasons are inevitable, they can be self inflicted, a result of sin and disobedience or they can be a season allowed by God for the purpose of testing and refining of our faith. Either way, it is the desert where the Lord kindly molds us and shapes our hearts into maturity and wholeness.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.  And you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as to sons:

“My son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord,
Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;

For whom the Lord loves He chastens,
And scourges every son whom He receives.”

 If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live?  For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.  Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Hebrews 12:1-11

 When I was in the midst of the most painful season of my life, I was wallowing in self condemnation, introspection and self pity. During one of the nights where I was in the most extreme of the depths of despair and crying out to the Lord, “Where are You? I thought You said You would never leave me or forsake me! I thought You promised to be my Comforter! Why would You abandon me if You are supposed to be good? You promised not to give me more than I can handle!” The responded to my cries, “I am re-bulding the cracks in your foundation.” I thought, what is that supposed to mean? Is that supposed to be consoling? I didn’t actually understand what the Lord was meaning with those words until a year later when I stumbled upon Isaiah 54.

Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.

For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.

For the Lord has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,”
Says your God.

“For a mere moment I have forsaken you,
But with great mercies I will gather you.

With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;
But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,”
Says the Lord, your Redeemer.

“For this is like the waters of Noah to Me;
For as I have sworn
That the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth,
So have I sworn
That I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.

For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,”
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

“O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.

I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.

All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.

In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And from terror, for it shall not come near you.

Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake.

“Behold, I have created the blacksmith
Who blows the coals in the fire,
Who brings forth an instrument for his work;
And I have created the spoiler to destroy.

No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
You shall condemn.
This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord,
And their righteousness is from Me,”
Says the Lord. Isaiah 54


The Lord in His faithfulness and His mercy loves us enough to prune away everything that hinders love in our hearts. That is what He is doing in me, rebuilding every crack and every area where my foundation is faulty. It hurts, it is difficult, I feel overwhelmed with the darkness in my heart, but I trust that what the enemy intended for evil, the Lord will work together for good because I love Him and I know He will make something beautiful out of the ashes of my life. IF I don't give up and IF I keep my heart tender toward Him.

Sometimes we are propelled into a dry season through circumstances completely unrelated to sin. Job was a righteous man that remained faithful to the Lord and His promises despite devastating circumstances. Consider Job, the Lord used his circumstances to root His faith even deeper in the Lord. 

Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them. And the Lord said to Satan, “From where do you come?” So Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth and from walking back and forth on it.” Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered My servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, one who fears God and shuns evil?” So Satan answered the Lord and said, Does Job fear God for nothing? Have You not made a hedge around him, around his household and around all that he has on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. But now, stretch out Your hand and touch all that he has, and he will surely curse You to Your face!” And the Lord said to satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your power , only, do not lay a hand on his person.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord. Job 1:6-12 

 Our father’s in the faith experienced dry seasons! Time and time again the bible gives us examples of how faithfulness and perseverance in the desert season is the training ground the Lord uses to propel His people into their destinies.    

Then Jesus, being filled with the Holy Spirit, returned from the Jordan and was led by the Spirit into the wilderness, being tempted for forty days by the devil. And in those days He ate nothing, and afterward, when they had ended, He was hungry.And the devil said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command this stone to become bread.”

But Jesus answered him, saying,“It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God.’” Then the devil, taking Him up on a high mountain, showed Him all the kingdoms of the world in a moment of time. And the devil said to Him, “All this authority I will give You, and their glory; for this has been delivered to me, and I give it to whomever I wish.  Therefore, if You will worship before me, all will be Yours.”And Jesus answered and said to him, “Get behind Me, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God, and Him only you shall serve.’ ”Then he brought Him to Jerusalem, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down from here. For it is written:‘He shall give His angels charge over you,To keep you,’ and,‘In their hands they shall bear you up,Lest you dash your foot against a stone.’ And Jesus answered and said to him, “It has been said, ‘You shall not tempt the Lord your God.’ ” Now when the devil had ended every temptation, he departed from Him until an opportune time.

Then Jesus returned in the power of the Spirit to Galilee, and news of Him went out through all the surrounding region. And He taught in their synagogues, being glorified by all. Luke 4:1-14

Jesus remained faithful and steadfast, enduring the trials in the wilderness and it was the strengthening and maturing season that propelled Him into His ministry.

We see this as a common thread throughout the bible.

Moses’ season in Midian resulted with an encounter with God in the burning bush and the Lord anointing him as the deliverer of the nation of Israel. (Exodus 2-3) Hannah struggled with barrenness but remained faithful to God and gave her son as an offering to the Lord. Her son became a righteous priest and prophet to the nation of Israel. (1 Samuel 1:10-16, 2:4-9) David stayed faithful to the Lord and in Godly character during His season of persecution by Saul. Shortly after, he became king over the nation of Israel and the Lord sent His Son, the Redeemer of the nation of Israel through his line. (1 Samuel 18:14, 23, 24:8-22) John the Baptist’s season of maturity in the desert prepared him for his ministry as a forerunner. (Luke 1:67-80, Matthew 3:1-5, Mark 1:2-5) John the Beloved was exiled to the island of Patmos where the Lord gave him the book of Revelation. (Revelation 1:9)


Time and time again it is the FORERUNNER that emerges from the desert, fully equipped for their assignment.

Why should it be any different for us who are called by God to minister in our own assigned time and place?

It is so easy to give in to discouragement when we are facing the seemingly endless wilderness season. I have compiled a few keys to focus on in order to remain alive when all of life seems to be draining the joy out of us.

1. Commit yourself to the process, trust that the Lord is good even when your life looks ugly and despair knocks at your door! He who began a good work in you will complete it! We need to trust God’s purpose and sovereignty in the dry season. (Hebrews 6:10-20,10:32-39, 12:1-13, Romans 5:1-9, 8:18-26, James 1:2-8, 5:7-12)

But, beloved, we are confident of better things concerning you, yes, things that accompany salvation, though we speak in this manner. For God is not unjust to forget your work and labor of  love which you have shown toward His name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. And we desire that each one of you show the same diligence to the full assurance of hope until the end, that you do not become sluggish, but imitate those who through faith and patience inherit the promises. For when God made a promise to Abraham, because He could swear by no one greater, He swore by Himself,  saying,“Surely blessing I will bless you, and multiplying I will multiply you.” And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise. For men indeed swear by the greater, and an oath for confirmation is for them an end of all dispute. Thus God, determining to show more abundantly to the heirs of promise the immutability of His counsel, confirmed it by an oath, that by two immutable things, in which it is impossible for God to lie, we might have strong consolation, who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us. This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered for us, even Jesus, having become High Priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek. Hebrews 6:10-20

I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy,for your fellowship in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete [it] until the day of Jesus Christ; just as it is right for me to think this of you all, because I have you in my heart, inasmuch as both in my chains and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel, you all are partakers with me of grace. - Philippians 1:3-7

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,  knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4

2. We need to fix our gaze on the Lord and not on our circumstances. When we focus on ourselves and negativity, we fall into a dangerous myopic swirl, robbing ourselves of the growth and maturity we could’ve gained in the desert. Are we focusing failures or do we really trust the Lord’s strength to be made perfect in our weakness? Where we are fixing our gaze often determines how long we wander in the desert.

And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—
From whence comes my help?

My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

He will not allow your foot to be moved;
He who keeps you will not slumber.

Behold, He who keeps Israel
Shall neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade at your right hand.

The sun shall not strike you by day,
Nor the moon by night.

The Lord shall preserve you from all evil;
He shall preserve your soul.

The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in
From this time forth, and even forevermore. Psalm 121

3. Know your God and His character! The enemy will do his best to make you believe wrong thoughts about God, don’t fall prey to his plans to make you angry at the Lord. Counteract the lies by immersing yourself in the truth of who God is.  If you get offended, the enemy wins. God will work everything together for good for those who are called according to His purpose! 

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined [to be] conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

Romans 8:27-30

4. Abide in Him! Dialogue with Him, share your heart, your fears, your insecurities, these seasons are an invitation to friendship! He will give you the desire of your heart to be alive again if you trust His purpose in the dry season. Prayerlessness ALWAYS leads to powerlessness! Press in to the heart of the Lord, even when you don't feel like it. Tell Him how your heart feels! Stay connected to the vine, it is our source of life!

"Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. "I am the vine, you [are] the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing. "If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw [them] into the fire, and they are burned. "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you. "By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples. "As the Father loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in My love.” John 15:5-9

5. Exercise your faith, don’t give in to doubt! Doubt is the doorway to despair! The Lord honors your faithfulness and your trust in Him.

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. For by it the elders obtained a good. Hebrews 11:1

6. Focus on truth, know the word! There are a few scriptures that have been my trail map over the years, every time I am experiencing those overwhelming moments, I hang onto His promises to me. 

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that [my] glory may sing praise to You and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to You forever. Psalm 30:11-12

[Let your] conduct [be] without covetousness; [be] content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5

Take advantage of this season to build your history with God, if you keep your heart tender and willing, it is amazing what He can do with your life, even in your weakest state! One of my hero’s in the faith is Jeanne Guyon, her life was full of trials and crosses. The thing that most amazed me about her character was that in everything she saw the Lord! In her autobiography she describes a season in prison that I look to whenever I am experiencing momentary troubles. 

I shall not speak of that long persecution, which has made so much noise, for a series of ten years imprisonments, in all sorts of prisons, and of a banishment almost as long, and not yet ended, through crosses, calumnies, and all imaginable sorts of sufferings. There are facts too odious on the part of divers persons, which charity induces me to cover.

I have borne long and sore languishings, and oppressive and painful maladies without relief. I have been also inwardly under great desolations for several months, in such sort that I could only say these words, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me!" All creatures seemed to be against me. I then put myself on the side of God, against myself.

Perhaps some will be surprised at my refusing to give the details of the greatest and strongest crosses of my life, after I have related those which were less. I thought it proper to tell something of the crosses of my youth, to show the crucifying conduct which God held over me. I thought myself obliged to relate certain facts, to manifest their falsehood, the conduct of those by whom they had passed, and the authors of those persecutions of which I have been only the accidental object, as I was only persecuted, in order to involve therein persons of great merit; whom, being out of their reach by themselves, they, therefore, could not personally attack, but by confounding their affairs with mine. I thought I owed this to religion, piety, my friends, my family, and myself.

While I was prisoner at Vincennes, and Monsieur De La Reine examined me, I passed my time in great peace, content to pass the rest of my life there, if such were the will of God. I sang songs of joy, which the maid who served me learned by heart, as fast as I made them. We together sang thy praises, O, my God! The stones of my prison looked in my eyes like rubies; I esteemed them more than all the gaudy brilliancies of a vain world. My heart was full of that joy which Thou givest to them who love Thee, in the midst of their greatest crosses. When things were carried to the greatest extremities, being then in the Bastile, I said, "O, my God, if thou art pleased to render me a new spectacle to men and angels, Thy holy will be done!"

 Jeanne Guyon- Autobiography, December 1709

A Little Bird Am I

Madam Jeanne Guyon 

A little bird I am 

Shut from the fields of air; 

And in my cage I sit and sing 

To Him who placed me there; 

Well pleased a prisoner to be, 

Because, my God it pleases Thee.

Nought have I else to do, 

I sing the whole day long; 

And He whom most I love to please, 

Doth listen to my song; 

He caught and bound my wandering wing, 

But still He bends to hear me sing.

Thou hast an ear to hear, 

A heart to love and bless; 

And though my notes were e’er so crude, 

Thou wouldst not hear the less; 

Because Thou knowest as they fall, 

That love, sweet love, inspires them all.

My cage confines me round, 

Abroad I cannot flee; 

But though my wing is closely bound, 

My heart's at liberty. 

My prison walls cannot control 

The flight, the freedom of the soul.

Oh! it is good to soar 

These bolts and bars above, 

To Him whose purpose I adore, 

Whose providence I love; And in 

Thy mighty will to find 

The joy, the freedom of the mind.